tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-92044807080725739412024-03-06T12:03:43.025-08:00Walking With Cancer, Walking With GodWhen I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, I knew I would learn many things. I also thought I would be healed in a short amount of time. That hasn't been God's plan for me. But in that time I have learned so many things, things that I want to start sharing with others in the hopes that through my walk with ovarian cancer and with God I can help others through their struggles. To God be the Glory!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-37830121520650122422015-05-28T16:25:00.000-07:002015-05-28T16:28:06.153-07:00Six Years Later<span style="font-size: large;">It's hard to believe that six years ago today I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Six years ago we were filled with hope that God would cure me of this disease. Six years ago we had no idea what kind of roller coaster we would be on fighting the cancer. Six years ago we were still looking forward to a long life with our family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Now it's six years later. We are no longer hoping for a cure. Instead of a roller coaster of fighting a disease, we are on a roller coaster of my final days. Instead of a future as a family, I am now looking toward a future in eternity. What a difference six years can make.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A few months ago I posted this picture.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It was my hope that I could look at this picture and be reminded of the race I was running. I knew I was almost done and I was hoping my last days would be ones of always looking forward to my final home. I was hoping this picture would remind me of the amazing things that were awaiting me in Heaven. It hasn't quite worked out the way I thought.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If I took a survey I would guess that most of us would want to die peacefully in our sleep, just like the prayer:</span><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Now I lay me down to sleep.</span></i></b></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>I pray</b> <b>the Lord my soul to keep.</b></span></i></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">If I should die before I wake</span></b></i></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">I pray the Lord my soul to take.</span></b></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I can't begin to tell you how many times I've prayed this prayer over the past few months. There have been times I've even begged the Lord to let me fall asleep and wake up in His arms. I think we understand that there will be physical pain before we go home, but we have no idea the other things we will have to face in our last days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We don't know how many days we have left. The agony of waiting is very heart wrenching. The mourning that has to happen can be physically exhausting. I never knew how much mourning I would have to go through. I mourn every time I say a last goodbye to someone. I mourn when I remember that goodbye. I mourn when I think about all the things my family will have to experience not only in my death but also in all the things that they will experience, both good and bad, without me. I know first hand how painful it is to be without a mom at events from confirmations to simple picnics in the park. The pain of knowing what they will experience at times almost seems too much to bear. It's no wonder at times I pray "Please let me die before I wake".</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But I think the hardest part is walking through the valley of the shadow of death. For me it has not been a short road. There have been so many ups and downs and twists and turns it's hard to know what to think sometimes. And let me tell you, the devil works harder in those last days than I ever thought possible. It's his last chance to take me away from my Savior, and he is going to find every weakness I have ever felt or thought about my Savior and try to use is against me. I've doubted His love for me because I've suffered for six years. I've questioned His wisdom in taking a mother away from her family. I've questioned decisions I've made and wondered if He led me down the wrong path. If I have thought it, the devil has used it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Yet the one thing I've never doubted is where I am going, and that is only by God's mercy and grace that I have been freed from that doubt. It comes from that second part of Psalm 23:4.</span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Even though I walk</span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">through the valley of the shadow of death,</span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><u><span style="font-size: large;">I will fear no evil,</span></u></i></b></div>
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<b><i><u><span style="font-size: large;">for you are with me,</span></u></i></b></div>
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<b><i><u><span style="font-size: large;">your rod and your staff,</span></u></i></b></div>
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<b><i><u><span style="font-size: large;">they comfort me.</span></u></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Through every temptation the devil has put in my way, my Shepherd has come to protect me. He has always been with me, sending his angels to guard and protect me. He has always been with me, using his rod and his staff to lead me through my long shadow of death. He has always been with me, and he will get me to my eternal home when His time is right. It might mean many more hard days ahead for me. But that won't stop him because nothing, not even death, can stop him from getting me home to him and in his everlasting arms.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So i'ts my sixth anniversary of cancer. Honestly just a few weeks ago I didn't think I'd make it this far. To have six years with my friends and family I am extremely grateful. Now I look forward to my Heaven day where I will have the best day of my life. I can't wait to see you all there.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">See you soon!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Lisa</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-32821310202390172802015-02-27T09:06:00.001-08:002015-02-27T09:14:20.774-08:00I Never Set OutAll through our lives we make plans. When we are little it might be for play dates or sleepovers with our friends. As we get older, we start planning what our wedding will be like, how many kids we are going to have, and maybe what our perfect house would be. And even later in life we start looking forward to retirement and think about all the things we will get to do now that we finally have the time.<br />
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I had plans and ideas too, but so many things that have happened to me were so different than how I imagined they would be.<br />
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I never set out to teach high school. I said I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. Yet that is where God led me. Because of Him, I got to relate to some amazing young adults and share God with them. Now I call many of them friends and they pray for me.<br />
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I never set out to marry a short man. I just wasn't going to be the tall one in the relationship. Yet that's what God sent me. He sent me a man who was short in stature but strong in love. He loves the Lord and shows it every day by how he cares for me and my family. He took his vows of in sickness or in health seriously. I couldn't be more grateful.<br />
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I never set out to have twins. I always said I wouldn't wish twins on my worst enemy. Yet, that's what God gave me. Through those twins I learned the meaning of "doubly blessed" and "doubly loved". It's just a different kind of love that you can't explain. Those twins, and my daughter, know how to love me even on my sickest days. God gave them that ability. I couldn't be more thankful.<br />
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I never set out to live in a small house. I had lived in one with 5 brothers and it was always tight. I wanted a larger home with space for everyone and room for entertaining. Yet, that's what God gave me. But even with a small house, we have filled it with so many memories of our kids and parties. We can squeeze over 20 people in here when we have to, and it all works out fine. I couldn't feel more blessed.<br />
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I never set out to have cancer. In fact, after my mom died, I was going to do everything possible to avoid getting cancer. The screenings, the blood work, the surgeries were all going to be done so I could be here a long time for my family. But God allowed the cancer to come. He didn't cause it, sin did that. Yet through it all, I have experienced more of God's grace than I ever knew what was around. My family is closer and loves to be together because of it. Thousands of people have prayed for me because of it. I started blogging and God used that to spread His Word. We have been blessed with more cards, gifts, money and food it's been overwhelming. And because of the hard journey, I have been able to feel Christ's strength in me. I have only been able to overcome and get through things because of His strength.<br />
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I'm sure you can see the point of all of this. While it's not wrong to make plans, we need to let God alter them because He knows what is best for us. He knows how He is going to keep us close to Him. The two verses below sum it up very well.<br />
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If you ever feel a tug at your heart that maybe you need to go a different direction, listen closely to that tug. Pray about that tug. Because when God leads you in that different direction than you set out to do, you will received more blessings than you ever thought possible.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-86325398385295576552014-12-29T12:01:00.000-08:002014-12-29T12:03:47.307-08:00Happiness Fades, but Joy Lasts Forever<span style="font-size: large;">How are you feeling? On any given day when I am out in the presence of friends and family, I get asked that question quite a bit. It's not something that bothers me because I know people genuinely want to know how I'm doing. Some are hoping for a better response than "I'm doing ok,". Others want to delve into things a little more and get specifics. Either way it is done out of love.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So now it's my turn to ask you -- How are you feeling? Has the merriment of Christmas worn off already and you are facing the daily life you always face? Or are you still basking in the glow of that near perfect Christmas you had with your family and friends. Are you still happy, of has the happiness worn off already.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I will be honest. This wasn't one of my happiest Christmases. It had nothing to do with the company that came around, the gifts I received or the little bit of food I was able to eat. If you just looked from the outside at those things, it should have been one of my happiest Christmases ever. I celebrated with my dad for the first time in a very long time. The gifts I received from my family were perfect. We received countless gifts from people that we weren't expecting. Yet, the happiness just wasn't there because of what is looming in the near future. It constantly hung over my head that this could be my last Christmas with my family. I wasn't depressed because of it. I wasn't really sad, either. I just wasn't happy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">You might be wondering how I couldn't be sad if I wasn't happy. That's because there is another feeling that trumps them all -- JOY. It is explained best here by author Sarah Habben in a portion of an Advent by Candlelight service she wrote.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Are you beginning to understand that joy is not the same as happiness? Happiness is circumstantial and fleeting. Happiness is finding a free parking spot at the mall 2 days before Christmas. Happiness is unwrapping a hoped-for present. Happiness is pulling a perfect pie out of the oven. But happiness doesn't last. Try to enjoy backing out of that parking spot when 10 cars are lined up behind you, honking. the present you so desired will soon collect dust. That perfect pie will be eaten. Happiness is a feeling that does not last. Happy doesn't help you when you are broken on the inside.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">True joy is not a feeling. It is a posture of the heart. The root word for <i>joy</i> in the Greek is <i>chara, </i>which is closely related with the Greek <i>charis</i> for "grace". Grace is God's gift of undeserved love. Do we see God's grace in Bethlehem? Certainly we do: God sent his only Son to a world of sinners. That's love! ... Because of that gift, all who believe in Jesus as their Savior also have the certain hope of God's favour and a heavenly home. That gift of love is what creates true joy; divine joy. Divine joy make our hearts stand tall even when they are pummeled by earthly sorrows. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Remember what the angels said in Luke 2? <i><b>"Don not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord."</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"Today a Savior has been born to you: he is Christ the Lord!". </i> If you are looking for Christmas joy, you can find all you need in this single verse.<b> </b> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I might not have been happy this Christmas, but instead I was filled with JOY. Joy came from having my dad with me. Joy came from the countless blessings we received. Joy came because I was once again reminded of the amazing grace that God showed us by sending His son as a baby to die for us. I like it is said above, JOY is not fleeting. It is something that lasts. The JOY that I felt this Christmas is not something I will loose, ever, because God's grace will never end.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was thinking about one of my favorite Christmas hymns, "Joy to the World". What if that first line was changed to "Happy is the world, the Lord is come,"? That would change the entire meaning of the hymn. There would be no certainty, no hope, no grace, no unending love if this birth only made us happy. Instead it fills us with JOY that will last forever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So how are you feeling? May you be filled with the JOY that only God can give because of His grace, His mercy and His love.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">** Special thanks to my sister-in-law, Michelle Vogel, for sharing the piece by Sarah Habben.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-19858510582575441022014-12-19T09:23:00.000-08:002014-12-20T07:15:09.810-08:00I Was Looking for Comfort but Instead I Found Hope<span style="font-size: large;">We all long for comfort in some way or another. We try to find that elusive mattress that we know will give us ultimate comfort and the the perfect sleep. For others it might be that pair of comfortable shoes that will let you be on your feet all day long. But my guess is most of us look for comfort from others -- a hug, a cry, a laugh that lets you know that someone is there for you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Many of you know that I have been searching for comfort and peace the past week. As the holidays grow closer, the reality that this might be my last Christmas here on earth makes my spirit sink. I long to be with my children every night, but they need to keep on living their normal lives which includes sports, jobs and friends. But what hurts the most is knowing that I will be leaving them behind without a mother and my husband without a partner. There <span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">is nothing</span> I can do about that. When God calls me home, I will be going home. But knowing that doesn't give me comfort when I know the pain that will be left behind when I go home to Heaven.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">This part of Psalm 31 really shows how I felt:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow week with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak."</span> </blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;">I've cried out to God. I've screamed at Him. I've questioned His purpose. I've told Him how mad I am that I couldn't be one of the survivors and I couldn't be one of His miracles. I've wondered what in the world He was doing with me and what He is going to do with my family. I've been mad with God. I'm not proud of that, but it's the truth. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And you know what happened? He met me at that place. He reminded me that He knows what He is doing, and even if He chooses not to do what I want, He still has something better for me, and that is hope.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This small part of the journey started when I read this <a href="http://www.wels.net/spiritual-help/daily-devotion/2014-12/devotion-december-10-2014" target="_blank">WELS Daily Devotion</a>. It starts with this passage:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I started reading this looking for comfort, but when I got to this part of the devotion, I found so much more.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What does God's word say? "Your sin has been paid for," That's why God the Son came into this world. He became flesh and blood to pay the price that we cannot pay. His blood is holy, for Jesus never sinned. His blood is precious, for it is the blood of God. And that's the price he paid for you: His holy, precious blood.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;">What comfort! No matter what you face in this life, cling to the word of your God, cling to his tender words of comfort. He has paid the ultimate price for you and me. The glory our God has prepared for us far outweighs our present suffering. He is ht Shepherd who carries us in his arms to take us home. What comfort!</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;">Talk about a reality check. God has taken care of my worst problem, my sin. So now no matter what I face, what I struggle with, what sins I commit, I am still looked at as a sinless child of God by looking through the blood of the Lamb.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And then the hope came. This isn't the hope of something we wish will happen or we wish we will get. Oh no, this hope is something that comes with a 100% guarantee of happening. It says so here:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> </span> <span style="font-size: large;">Yes, I have been suffering a long time. And when I look back at all those years, I can see how God worked some of those characteristics in me. They are not perfect, BUT HOPE IS!! We will never be put to shame by anyone who doesn't believe what we do. Why? Because the Holy Spirit is reminding us every day that if God is for us, who or what can be against us, that our lives are important to him, and that our salvation is one. That's the hope we have. That's the hope the has the 100% guarantee. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So I looked for comfort and I got hope. But then again, I think I got comfort as well. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD26fctiOKvRyLNstdTSaSFp2yGzYxcfhSjAI2ED-JbiUS9j0jh1hA9xWVxpzetUFjPagVipORlzGpOj3MBG4XaEENrwZexDYBu20Exzt2wqRwiQ3PAKkNCdh-a4yq9uk_Oq49hFsmUcfs/s1600/Hope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD26fctiOKvRyLNstdTSaSFp2yGzYxcfhSjAI2ED-JbiUS9j0jh1hA9xWVxpzetUFjPagVipORlzGpOj3MBG4XaEENrwZexDYBu20Exzt2wqRwiQ3PAKkNCdh-a4yq9uk_Oq49hFsmUcfs/s1600/Hope.jpg" height="640" width="404" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-59333908617609979852014-12-08T13:43:00.000-08:002014-12-08T13:49:10.349-08:00Learning to Move Forward<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One step forward, two steps back. I think<span style="font-family: inherit;"> that's a ph<span style="font-family: inherit;">rase so many of us can r<span style="font-family: inherit;">elate to in life. We look<span style="font-family: inherit;"> like we are getting ahead in a project, and then a complication comes and we feel like we got nowhere. We are getting close to a destination, and then car problems happen. That project a<span style="font-family: inherit;">t s<span style="font-family: inherit;">chool or at work is a<span style="font-family: inherit;">lmost done and then a major change comes. One step forward, two steps back.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A week after finding out that my time on earth looks to be short, I've spen<span style="font-family: inherit;">t quite a bit of time pon<span style="font-family: inherit;">dering over many things. What should I leave behind for my family<span style="font-family: inherit;">? What can I do for my husband so life without me might be a bit easier? </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But the biggest question I've been pondering is this: How do I move forward? It's a<span style="font-family: inherit;"> very surreal thing knowing that you're life is coming to an end. Do I quick make a bucke<span style="font-family: inherit;">t list of all th<span style="font-family: inherit;">e things I've ever wanted to do? (I've never really had one.) What is my mood supposed to be<span style="font-family: inherit;"> -- depressed and downtrodden, happy with anticipation of something better, or a combination of the two<span style="font-family: inherit;">? What am I supposed to do now?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">As <span style="font-family: inherit;">I was pondering these things again today, a thought hit me<span style="font-family: inherit;"> about Jesus. His entire life was leading to one thing, <span style="font-family: inherit;">H</span>is one purpose, <span style="font-family: inherit;">H</span>is death. Anyone who would know that could easily become depressed and try and hide. Yet <span style="font-family: inherit;">H</span>e didn't. He didn't because of His great love for the world. <span style="font-family: inherit;">He did it because of His great love for you and me. <span style="font-family: inherit;">He did it because that's what His Father asked Him to do. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When you <span style="font-family: inherit;">think back to Jesus' life, He kept His focus and He stayed present in the world. He knew He was going to die, yet He healed people. <span style="font-family: inherit;">He knew He was going to die, yet He kept se<span style="font-family: inherit;">eking the lost. He knew He was going to die, yet He kept preaching the truth. He kept pressing on toward the end because of His great love. He was true God, yet He did this:</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTB9IG3Z81NVogNdH535uPvwdonb9O9bB6HQL702mCLOYJw6_aLRtMGJGDg4gNvVrYc84R5bilPrZ-XqixUoDWaO-8JgYcTrC_sF4TTL6uF7aPSDbkjpTWO2QZBw0wXR0dg1govYfM-rSb/s1600/Philippians+2+6-8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTB9IG3Z81NVogNdH535uPvwdonb9O9bB6HQL702mCLOYJw6_aLRtMGJGDg4gNvVrYc84R5bilPrZ-XqixUoDWaO-8JgYcTrC_sF4TTL6uF7aPSDbkjpTWO2QZBw0wXR0dg1govYfM-rSb/s1600/Philippians+2+6-8.jpg" height="400" width="276" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now I know how to move forward. I<span style="font-family: inherit;"> f<span style="font-family: inherit;">ollow the lead of Jesus. He was present with the world, with <span style="font-family: inherit;">H</span>is friends, with </span>His disciples. I will be present with my family, with my friends, and with the world. I'm not going to concern myself with a bucket list of th<span style="font-family: inherit;">e things I wanted to do, because when I am gone none of that will matter to me. Instead I wil<span style="font-family: inherit;">l focus my time on what I can do for <span style="font-family: inherit;">others so that in their sad momen<span style="font-family: inherit;">ts, they can have m<span style="font-family: inherit;">emo<span style="font-family: inherit;">ries of me that will make them smile, just like I have memo<span style="font-family: inherit;">ries of my mom that make me smile. And most import<span style="font-family: inherit;">antly I will focus my time on con<span style="font-family: inherit;">tinuin<span style="font-family: inherit;">g to spread the<span style="font-family: inherit;"> love of Jesus in any way that God shows me I should.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So now I move forward<span style="font-family: inherit;">. I move forward with Go<span style="font-family: inherit;">d's love and guidance. I move forward with God's pr<span style="font-family: inherit;">omises and p<span style="font-family: inherit;">rotection<span style="font-family: inherit;">. I mo<span style="font-family: inherit;">ve forward kn<span style="font-family: inherit;">owing my<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Heaven<span style="font-family: inherit;">ly goal awaits.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Day by day, your mercies, Lord
attend me,<br />
Bringing comfort to my anxious soul.<br />
Day by day, the blessings, Lord you send me<br />
Draw me nearer to my heav’nly goal.<br />
Love divine, beyond all moral measure,<br />
Brings to naught the burdens of my quest;<br />
Savior lead me to the home I treasure,<br />
Where, at last, I’ll find eternal rest.</span></i></span></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Day by day, I know you will provide
me</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Strength to serve and wisdom to obey;</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
I will work your loving will to guide me</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
O’er the paths I struggle day by day.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
I will fea<span style="font-family: inherit;">r</span> no evil of the morrow;</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
I will trust in your enduring grace.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Savior, help me bear life’s pain and sorrow;</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Till in glory I behold your face.</span></i></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></span><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh, what joy to know that you are
near me</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
When my burdens grow too great to bear;</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Oh, what joy to know that you will hear me</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
When I come, O Lord, to you in prayer.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Day by day, no matter what betide me,</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
You will hold me ever in your hand.</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Savior, with your presence here to guide me,</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">
I will reach at last the promised land.</span></i></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></i></div>
</span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-78314939936831601472014-12-03T08:03:00.000-08:002014-12-12T09:07:27.135-08:00My Race is Almost Run<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Running has
never been a favorite past-time of mine.<span>
</span>I remember having to run a mile every day in my grade school.<span> </span>Even during basketball season I could never
run the entire mile without stopping.<span>
</span>The distance was always too long.<span>
</span>Now it seems that a lengthy earthly race will also be too long for me.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">My
oncologist confirmed what Paul and I have been suspecting for the last
week.<span> </span>I am out of options.<span> </span>I cannot take the oral medication because I
won't be able to absorb the benefits because of my g-tube.<span> </span>Also we will never know if it is the
medication that is causing my issues or my digestive tract problems.<span> </span>She did look quickly to see if there were any
trials, but those are very hard to get into even in the best of circumstances.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Paul and I
had a very good talk with Dr. Swisher and my nurse, Holly.<span> </span>They said it was up to me to keep trying
different treatments that would be toxic in hopes to extend my life or do
something else that would give me a better quality of life.<span> </span>Either way there is no guarantee in anything. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">For right
now my main focus is getting to Disneyland at the end of the month.<span> </span>The Dream Foundation is working with us and
something should be done soon.<span> </span>We are
going either way because our trip is already paid for.<span> </span>Hopefully they can get us the extra medical
support I will need for traveling and for the time at Disney.<span> </span>We know quite a bit of paperwork has come
across my doctor's desk so things are moving forward.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">After that I
will be going back on Avastin that I was on before.<span> </span>It took my ascites away and the hope is that
it might keep the cancer stable for a time.<span>
</span>Once again, there is no guarantee.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">As far as a
time line, they really can't give one.<span>
</span>Just like with my mom, all of the sudden things will shut down and then
they can say weeks.<span> </span>What they did say is
that it's not weeks but it's not years.<span>
</span>I asked about my family reunion in July and both my doctor and my nurse
said that it's unlikely that I will be able to travel then.<span> </span>They did say that it could be different in
two to three months when they see how things are going on the Avastin.<span> </span>We will cross that bridge with the rest of the
family when we come to it. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We told the
kids on Monday.<span> </span>Please pray for
them.<span> </span>It's not easy hearing that your
mom will be going home to Heaven before you are even close to being an
adult.<span> </span>They all reacted differently, but
how we expected them to.<span> </span>Melanie chose
to stay home with me yesterday where the boys decided to go to school.<span> </span>Pray for Melanie as she sees her friends and
lets them know.<span> </span>That is going to be hard
for her.<span> </span>Pray for the boys as they
process things in their own way.<span> </span>Pray
for them to open up when they need to.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Please pray
for Paul.<span> </span>He already is doing the jobs
of both parents since I am quite limited.<span>
</span>He's getting tired and is always in need of help with rides or things
around the house.<span> </span>We appreciate any help
people can give us.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">As I have
been pondering the past few days, the verse Melanie chose as her confirmation
verse kept running through my mind.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>Do you not know that in a race all the
runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the
prize.<span> </span>I Corinthians 9:24</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For a long
time I have pictured this race as something like this:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Like I said
before, I've never liked running. My thought of this verse was the hard
pounding running people need to do to train.<span>
</span>And honestly, that is part of our spiritual running, isn't it?<span> </span>We have to pound away, constantly learning,
constantly training to keep God's Word so embedded in our hearts that nothing
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">But now, I'm
looking at this verse like this:</span></span></div>
<br />
<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">This is a
painting Melanie's first grade teacher, Rachel Tacke, made for her
confirmation.<span> </span>It's based on 1
Corinthians 9:24.<span> </span>I love this because
it's a child.<span> </span>A child just keeps running
because that's what children do.<span> </span>That
child-like faith knows they are going to get to the goal, and the goal will be
wonderful.<span> </span>There is no hardship, but
there is urgency.<span> </span>There is no wondering,
yet there is expectation.<span> </span>There is no
angst, just joy.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">So as I finsih my race, I am going to be running with the child-like faith shown here. I know I am running to an amazing place. The last part of this race won't be easy, but the reward will be amazing.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-81656051601980519702014-11-16T20:47:00.001-08:002014-11-18T08:26:54.834-08:00Saint or Saint Triumphant<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">November 1st is All Saints Day. Today in church we celebrated Saints Triumphant Day. Both remind us of those who have gone home to Heaven before us. On November 1st my focus was on my mom because her Heaven day is three days later. Today I thought about all those who have gone before me. Some of them have been recent like my friend Tammy who fought ovarian cancer like me and my Great-Aunt Gert who along with her husband, Ray, were instrumental in keeping me on the path to serving God by teaching in Lutheran schools. I also remembered all my grandparents who brought up my parents in the way of the Lord so I, too, could be brought up in the way of the Lord. And finally I remembered our little Jessica who died before she even entered the world. It's a bittersweet day missing those whom we have loved so dearly yet rejoicing that they are in Heaven and I, too, will join them someday. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">While we here on earth might not be Saints Triumphant yet, we still are Saints. We are Saints not because of anything that we have done or anything we will do, but because of everything that Jesus has done. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWfc2Ddd9MUOdfksWagCuAFEWTL3UajiLwYW3j5hDXwhpAqUbaAEQYWKhGlcL5kNUiaccwOk8F_zTRXXoIjjtxCAYB-AO3sl1Tyt8vRW08YAChHURAj_vka98pfdRCa5rXUj4tsAvPKeiO/s1600/Ephesians+2+8-9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWfc2Ddd9MUOdfksWagCuAFEWTL3UajiLwYW3j5hDXwhpAqUbaAEQYWKhGlcL5kNUiaccwOk8F_zTRXXoIjjtxCAYB-AO3sl1Tyt8vRW08YAChHURAj_vka98pfdRCa5rXUj4tsAvPKeiO/s1600/Ephesians+2+8-9.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And because of that amazing grace God looks at us as Saints. He looks at us through cross-covered glasses. He looks at us with glasses that are stained with the blood of Jesus. He can only look at us as Saints, even though we have failed perfection miserably, because of the perfect life, death and resurrection of our Savior. What an amazing gift to be called a Saint of our God's!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So now that I am completing another Saints Triumphant Sunday here on earth, I wonder if it will be my last. I wonder if the things I'm struggling through right now -- my obstruction, my medication, my illness -- are God's way of telling me that my time on earth is almost done. And you know what? That's bittersweet.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Why would it be bittersweet thinking that my earthly struggles might be done soon? It's because of those I would leave behind -- my friends, my extended family, my husband, and mostly my children. When we look at our lives when we start a family, we don't expect to leave them before we see our grandchildren. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We don't expect to leave them before they are married. We don't expect to leave them before they graduate high school. And we really don't expect to leave them before they are confirmed. And yes, we all know that we could die at any time. But I bet most of us don't live like we could die at any time. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's also bittersweet because honestly, I'm not looking forward to those final hours. If my death does come from cancer, there is no guarantee that it will be quick. More than likely it will be painful, and who really likes to think about pain and death. I know I don't. God didn't create us to die. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But the sweet part comes, and that part will last for eternity. When we die we will be a Triumphant Saint in a place that will have no more sorrow or tears. We will bask in the glow of our Father and our Savior. We will see people that we have longed to see again, and we will meet people that we have only heard or read about. All our fears will be gone and all we will know is God's perfect will. Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">In our sermon today our pastor ended with reading the last three verses of the hymn "I Walk in Danger All the Way". I'm putting them below and I would like you to read them as a poem. If you know the Lutheran tune, resist the temptation to sing it because you will hear these words in a completely different way<i>. (Emphasis mine)</i></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I walk with <u>angels</u> all the way;</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>They shield me and befriend me.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>All Satan's power is held at bay</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>When heavenly hosts attend me.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>They are my sure defense;</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>All fear and sorrow, hence!</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Unharmed by foes, do what they may,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I walk with <u>angels</u> all the way.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I walk with <u>Jesus</u> all the way;</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>His guidance never fails me.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>He takes my <u>every fear</u> away</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>When Satan's power assails me,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>And, by his footsteps led,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: large;"><i>My path I safely tread.</i></span></u></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><u>In spite of ills</u> that threaten may,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I walk with <u>Jesus</u> all the way. </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>My walk is <u>heavenward</u> all the way; </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Await, my soul, the morrow,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>When you farewell can <u>gladly say</u></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>To all your sin and sorrow.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>All worldly pomp, begone!</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>To heaven I now press on,</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>For all the world <u>I would not stay;</u></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><u>My walk is heavenward all the way. </u></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Today I am a Saint. Soon I may be part of the Saints Triumphant. Either way I will win because of Jesus. And I can confidently say that <a href="http://vimeo.com/91520842" target="_blank">I Will Rise</a>.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaSZppoDAMrElcaGvmaxjiuPshBiIyjxMTxOo5M9vndZc47bGBnwRWLPx_LmXDQVkEJ6PJl3l5DMuPSfsGax3Y7DWQ7p9tPscUM7hOuHx6SkoAqBzf2gw5bkwaxg-cVTdS-5bnl7LcM-kq/s1600/i+will+rise_Page_3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaSZppoDAMrElcaGvmaxjiuPshBiIyjxMTxOo5M9vndZc47bGBnwRWLPx_LmXDQVkEJ6PJl3l5DMuPSfsGax3Y7DWQ7p9tPscUM7hOuHx6SkoAqBzf2gw5bkwaxg-cVTdS-5bnl7LcM-kq/s1600/i+will+rise_Page_3.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-38367704031894599562014-11-05T13:23:00.000-08:002014-11-15T11:40:38.177-08:00The Journey Is Long and The Road Is Hard<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>Even though the journey's long <br /> And I know the road is hard <br /> Well, the One who's gone before me <br /> He will help me carry on</i> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">These lyrics from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgeMHHbFslk" target="_blank">Mountain Of God</a> by Third Day popped into my head today as I was getting ready to blog. As my family and I continue in my life with cancer, it is easily described as a long journey and a hard road. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The past month has been more difficult than most. A hospital stay, three small bowel obstructions, a low fiber diet and learning how to administer Total Parental Nutrition (TPN) have all played into that. Being more tired, loosing some ability to do things I've done before and relying on services like handicapped parking and home health services are all results of the last month of struggle. When you throw things in like this to an already long journey, it can seem like the road will never, ever end. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><i><br />I confess from time to time <br />
I lose my way <br />
But You are always there <br />
To bring me back again</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I have felt quite a bit lately that I have lost my way. Long journeys with hard roads can do that to a person. You wonder if you are going the right way. You wonder if there was something you should have done or could have done that would have made a difference somewhere, anywhere. Hope can be lost, darkness can settle in and there just seems no way out.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> <i> <br />After all that I've been through <br />
Now I realize the truth <br />
That I must go through the valley <br />
To stand upon the mountain of God </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Once again I realize that on this journey I have to go through hills and valleys. It is what God has called me to do. I will be the first to tell you that I don't always like it and that it is hard. I don't do it joyfully like I should. But with each step I am led by an amazing God who is getting me to where I need to be. Without Him, I am nothing.</span><br />
<br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><i> As I travel on the road <br />
That You have lead me down <br />
You are here with me <br />
Yes, You are here with me <br />
I have need for nothing more <br />
Oh, now that I have found <br />
That You are here with me <br />
Yes, You are here with me </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">So we continue to go down the road that God has led us. Right now it is hard, and someday it might get easier. He has given us hope in this journey with a new medication. Will this one be the one that cures me? Only He knows the answer to that question. But I do know that whatever happens on this long journey and hard road, He will keep this promise:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i> </i></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjztebajlK17CTm_F0lDAHCMQV8Qf4FdMEjy8jrfki3Zvesm2gq6rgkE8cPqzoD1nm-Tu1m-0MkG7JsbyhJJ1YjcbsIZj2zZeK3o9XnMNU6JwB3QW4jQL2JieaGgscwhCQ_-kzaQ0h7dAgp/s1600/Hebrew+13+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjztebajlK17CTm_F0lDAHCMQV8Qf4FdMEjy8jrfki3Zvesm2gq6rgkE8cPqzoD1nm-Tu1m-0MkG7JsbyhJJ1YjcbsIZj2zZeK3o9XnMNU6JwB3QW4jQL2JieaGgscwhCQ_-kzaQ0h7dAgp/s1600/Hebrew+13+5.jpg" height="272" width="640" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-36798615568160306532014-10-06T15:30:00.000-07:002014-10-06T15:46:46.981-07:00Clay, Silver or Marble<span style="font-size: large;">I would not call myself a creative person. I don't have visions of how to put things together. But give me a picture or directions and I can craft pretty well. I used to do quite a bit of cross stitch since my mom taught me. I have a new found love of making rag wreaths. But I still do have a longing just to be able to put things together with just a vision in my head.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As I've been on this journey, I've known that God is making me into something. I don't get special treatment because I have cancer. He does this for everyone. He says that He is the potter and we are the clay in Isaiah:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEismXN5HQto0jTUeb6L4u9G77CZy418E24jK5O1ec32zwxOgunYMentXJWKMPZcOCJuH9QkKDbbQk4QfljrVlqKVB_0h_ZEgPJnKoZk75cXqIu5vv6LJy3ZYtNvVyhV00gGbX2ofCVtlQSG/s1600/Isaiah+64+8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEismXN5HQto0jTUeb6L4u9G77CZy418E24jK5O1ec32zwxOgunYMentXJWKMPZcOCJuH9QkKDbbQk4QfljrVlqKVB_0h_ZEgPJnKoZk75cXqIu5vv6LJy3ZYtNvVyhV00gGbX2ofCVtlQSG/s1600/Isaiah+64+8.jpg" height="232" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">He also talks about refining us like silver in Zechariah:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZFQK2qwcdDcJeWo1Cg3UUqzyqbjVIU_qRpJh2w96TKOHpneM3XD-dW31iuGvcKoJ0f3eRljUM_RG0ljkGUbTz1N2sCZBz3HeneeRGfI82LGZDpe9Y5rsUYZvZ2ejHbfeLwWOOf4TuFTAh/s1600/Zechariah+13_9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZFQK2qwcdDcJeWo1Cg3UUqzyqbjVIU_qRpJh2w96TKOHpneM3XD-dW31iuGvcKoJ0f3eRljUM_RG0ljkGUbTz1N2sCZBz3HeneeRGfI82LGZDpe9Y5rsUYZvZ2ejHbfeLwWOOf4TuFTAh/s1600/Zechariah+13_9.jpg" height="265" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Because I was curious, I wondered about how long they would take. I found some interesting information.</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">In Bible times, after clay was extracted from the ground the impurities, like stones and sticks, were removed and then the clay was prepared by the potters assistant using his feet to soften the clay. After the pots were formed, they would dry for several days to make them leather hard. Only then were they put in the kiln and baked for several hours. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">Today the process of making a pot takes at least 3 1/2 weeks with all conditions being just right.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">In Bible times silver was refined by putting it in fire to get out impurities. It needed to be watched and would have a mirror-like quality when it was ready to be poured. It also needed to be watched so it wouldn't overheat and make in unworkable.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">The above information helps to clarify the <a href="http://christians-today.com/ministry/he-will-sit-as-a-refiner-and-purifier-of-silver-malachi-33/" target="_blank">story</a> that has traveled the internet about how a silversmith know when silver is ready to use. </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: large;">God has definitely been molding me and refining me throughout my life. My guess is He has been doing that for you as well. Yet as I have been dealing with my own spiritual warfare lately, I didn't feel like clay or silver. I haven't felt like something that is pliable, but rather as something hard, rock hard.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The best way I can describe it is that my heart feels like a huge slab of marble. I know there is something beautiful and perfect underneath it all, yet it is going to have to be chipped away at slowly and carefully for it's true beauty, it's true purpose, to come out. And when I researched Michelangelo's "David" and found out it took him almost 3 years to create it, I knew my feelings were correct.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This part of my journey is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. My emotions are such that I can be very happy one minute, and two seconds later just deeply saddened. My head will tell me <span style="font-family: inherit;">that God is leading me, showing me my purpose to serve Him, yet my heart is fighting not wanting that to be my purpose. I look back at my early writings and talk about the perfect peace that God gave me at the beginning. Here's what I wrote about pottery almost four years ago.</span></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There have been instances for each
of us on this pottery path that have hurt us, even pulled us to limits we
didn’t think we could get to. But I also know in pottery that the artists are
doing this lovingly, even gently. I know that is happening to our family, too.
In some ways it excites me to say that our family is God’s pottery project
right now. It makes me feel so special and so loved</span>.</span></span></i></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This is not where I am right now. Instead of feeling special and loved, I'm feeling weary wondering if this will ever end. Instead of feeling a gentle pull or stretch, I feel a hammer and chisel cutting into my soul. Instead of a short pottery project of 3 1/2 weeks, I feel like I'm a long project of almost 3 years.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I think many going through something like this would feel like giving up hope. I can say with all confidence that I do not feel this way. I know God still has a purpose for me and this is part of getting me there. I know God is taking care of me and sometimes taking care of someone means making them work hard. I know God loves me and sometimes showing love is allowing them to learn through hard times.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So I lean on this verse, this promise from God:</span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> </span> <br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I was clay before, and now I am marble. Either way I am still a child of God. There might be another time in my life that I might feel like silver. No matter what my emotions say or how hard the devil pushes, I will always be a child of God. And knowing and believing that I can continue on with the strength God gives me every day. </span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-26334508009834125702014-09-26T15:40:00.001-07:002014-09-26T15:40:36.707-07:00Will My Yes Ever Come?<span style="font-size: large;">Yes. It's a word that we all long to hear at some time or another. Many men have pondered over how to ask "Will you marry me?" in that perfect way to hear that perfect yes. Parents love to hear it when their children obey by saying yes. College students wait for that yes in an acceptance letter. In so many situations, it's a word we can't wait to hear.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I've been waiting for a yes for over five years now. It's a yes that once rang in my ears for a very short time in 2010. It's a yes that my family longs to hear so we can have a normal life. We are waiting for a yes to the question, "Am I in remission." Yet it never seems to come. And since it never seems to come, a different battle starts. Rather than being a battle against cancer, it becomes more of an emotional battle.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Most of you don't know this, but I have been in one of the toughest battles I have had since my diagnosis. It's not a physical one, but a spiritual one. Yes, I have been in a spiritual battle. I have been fighting the devil who is trying to get me to question God's love for me. I have been fighting the devil who is trying to get me to ask God if He hears me anymore. It's a battle I have not enjoyed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This battle started with something that for most people would be a huge blessing. We have been trying to go to Disneyland since April. We postponed it to August because of high prices. We then postponed it to October because of hot weather I couldn't handle. Everything was looking great until we got a call from our travel agent. Disney wanted to move us because of baseball playoffs. They were going to give us an extra day, a better hotel, and cover any cost overruns. We would go in December on our anniversary and would be able to spend New Year's Eve in Disneyland. Like I said, for most people this would be a huge blessing. For me, it just brought some anxiousness.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">We hadn't found out what my newest cancer number was before this. One reason I was excited about October was because I knew I would be on a treatment that was easy on my body. Now with our trip being postponed until December, I couldn't be so confident. Through prayer Paul felt it was the way to go. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Then we got the call. My number had jumped significantly, from 178 to 242. My oncologist wanted to know if I had been experiencing any symptoms. I hadn't noticed any aside from being a little more tired, but with school starting that made a bit more sense. She said that numbers can jump around quite a bit on this treatment, so we would keep the course for now and see what happened.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">After the phone conversation, the tears fell. What was going on? Last time it dropped for the first time in a long time, and now it's jumped up again? We just changed our trip. Are we going to make it? Will I be able to handle all the walking, or will I have to be pushed around in a wheel chair. Will I be able to handle the crowds?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And of course, the devil really started working. And then I realized why I hadn't been praying for myself anymore -- I didn't know if God would ever answer yes to my prayers. He seems to have been saying no or wait for so long, I just started figuring it would always be that way and I could just let others do the praying for me. Understand, I could pray for everyone else knowing that God could and would answer those prayers with a yes. What really hit me was when I was at urgent care with one of my boys and he needed me to pray with him. It took every ounce of will that I had to believe that God would answer the prayer for my son with a yes. That's when I knew I was in a very big spiritual battle.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm still in it. God's giving me things all around to remind me. A sermon on Romans 8:26-27</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">A passage or two in my daily devotions:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And of course through many prayers, messages and encouragements of others. Yet, the warfare continues. And even though it seems to get better each day, it's still there.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The biggest part of my battle is wondering if that yes will ever come again. But then today, God gave me what I really needed. It came in the way of this devotion titled <a href="http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/when-god-says-no/" target="_blank">When God Says No</a>. In this devotion Chyrstal Evans Hurst talked about changing our reaction when God says no. It sunk in a little bit, but when I read this quote from her, the Holy Spirit really opened my eyes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Once again I was reminded, in just a different way, that God knows my entire story where I don't. God knows how to keep me close to Him where I don't. God know His purpose for this trial where I don't. And just because I don't know why He is choosing to answer no right now doesn't mean there will never be a yes. There will be a yes and it will be better than I ever imagined.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Does this mean my spiritual warfare is over? Not by any means. The devil is working hard to get me to keep questioning God. Yet I know that God is the one who is going to lead me through this. I know the Holy Spirit will keep praying for me with stronger words and more emotion than I could ever muster. And Jesus keeps interceding for me reminding God of all He did by dying on the cross for me. One day my yes will come. Until that day, I trust in Him.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-81611401885630083532014-09-05T10:32:00.000-07:002014-09-06T18:37:59.768-07:00What is Your Cause or Passion?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Unless you have no access to the internet or have been living in the wilderness the past month, you have seen the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Friends of ALS fighter Pete Frates really got everything going and it has brought in millions of dollars for ALS research.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">September is Ovarian Cancer and Childhood Cancer Awareness month. Those who have fought or are fighting find pride in this month not because they are suffering, but because they feel like they can bring some attention and awareness to the disease they have dealt with. The hope is that people might listen a little more closely, especially as far as the symptoms are concerned. But even more than that during this month people feel like their voice might be heard and some more connections can be made.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I know there are many causes out there that people talk about, donate to and deal with. Some get more attention than others, which is why every cause tries to find that hook, that angle, that way to bring more attention to their cause. Breast cancer benefited from Susan G. Komen and the 3 Day Walk. ALS has benefited from the Ice Bucket Challenge. Who knows what will be next.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because today is Wear Teal Day, it would be very easy for me to blog about everything dealing with ovarian cancer - symptoms, how to help, where to donate. Yet while this is important to me, it's not my most important cause, and I'm here to tell you that whatever cause you support it shouldn't be your most important one either.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Long before any of us were born or even thought of, there was a cause, a disease, that infected everyone. Everyone was infected with it, and everyone would continue to infect the world. There would be nothing to stop it. It wasn't the black plague, the ebola virus or AIDS. It was sin. Nothing could stop it. Nothing could take away it's effects, especially the effect of death. Yet this cause was taken up the minute it started. God took up this cause and showed us there would be a cure.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipkKi4gcOwVKD3Yma8je50NwDMib65whtKoi77IIBxhq5EaAM6Aggm9c3uPtKa2-rY_69Ob-XpfCzL7b2qnt46i6vl7g8iGl1J7PdmNVnQcmzxWK-K44-auEdOKV9338EsA032aq3O1eE1/s1600/Genesis3_15_Covenants.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipkKi4gcOwVKD3Yma8je50NwDMib65whtKoi77IIBxhq5EaAM6Aggm9c3uPtKa2-rY_69Ob-XpfCzL7b2qnt46i6vl7g8iGl1J7PdmNVnQcmzxWK-K44-auEdOKV9338EsA032aq3O1eE1/s1600/Genesis3_15_Covenants.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">God was speaking to the devil and told him that there was no way he was going to win the war. The devil might win a few battles here and there, but sin was not going to take away eternal life from those who believed in Him. He promised this when there were only two people in the world. He kept His promise. He sent His Son, Jesus, </span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">as our substitute </span>to live a perfect life, die on the cross and rise from the dead. The cause that none of us could cure was cured, and will always be cured. We are going to Heaven because of that. What an amazing blessing!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Anyone who has been cured of any disease, or anyone who has lost someone to a disease knows that it's not easy to just sit by and do nothing. There is always this need to do something. </span><span style="font-size: large;">So now that our biggest cause is taken care of, what do we do? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Here is what we do:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We tell others about how we are forgiven. We show them through our actions that God loved us more than we can imagine, so we want to show them a little taste of God's love. And yes, we even give our money so this amazing news that our biggest cause is taken care of can be shared everywhere we can't go. Everyone needs to know that we are forgiven, not just for a few of our sins, but for every single one of them. This is our biggest cause.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday a friend/ family member wrote on Facebook asking people to support us on Wear Teal Day. She said something so beautiful, it had to be shared.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span style="font-size: large;">As I
sit watching two football teams battle & their fans putting energy
& money into their passion, I sit here thinking of a dear
friend/family member and her family who have been battling ovarian
cancer for what seems like forever. But I also remember that our Savior
has already battled for her, for her family, for us</span>.</span></i></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;">No matter what we are fighting or dealing with, we don't have to worry. Our biggest problem needs nothing from us because it's already taken care of. Now we can let others know what is really important -- they are forgiven. There is no greater cause than that.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-29184306004058131192014-08-12T13:40:00.000-07:002014-08-30T07:49:38.369-07:00What Can We Do When Things Don't Make Sense?"I just wish I could make sense of it all!" I know I've heard that
phrase come from my lips as well as from the mouths of others. It
happened when my twin were young and we found out they were autistic.
It happened when I threw my back out on my daughter's birthday. It
happened when my son broke both of his arms when we were far away from
home. It happened when my other son broke his ankle and growth plate on
his birthday. And of course, at times, it has happened with my cancer
journey. <br />
<br />
I don't mention all these things because I
want you to feel sorry for me. They were and are just big life events
that didn't and sometimes still don't make sense. There have been little
life events that make me feel the same way. I felt that way when all
three of my kids wanted me at the same time. I felt that way I got a D
on my first college paper. I felt that way when our dishwasher died for
the second time because someone through socks in it. (Yes, that is a
true story.) I can look back and see how I grew, but it sure didn't
make sense at the time.<br />
<br />
Cancer has a way of seemingly never
making sense. From the time someone is diagnosed until the time they
die, whether it be from the cancer or from a long life after cancer, it
just doesn't make sense. Why are some cured and others aren't? Why do
some find it right away and others don't? Why do treatments work for
some and not others? This cancer stuff is tricky business, and it is
hard to make sense of it all.<br />
<br />
<br />
Lately I feel like I have been trying to make sense of my situation. I hear all the time that God still has work for me to do. I believe that because I know it doesn't have to be something big or incredible from an earthly standard. It reminds me of one of my favorite sonnets I taught my Senior English class years ago, <u>On His Blindness</u> by John Milton.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<dl><dd><i>When I consider how my light is spent</i></dd><dd><i>Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,</i></dd><dd><i>And that one talent which is death to hide</i></dd><dd><i>Lodg'd with me useless, though my soul more bent</i></dd><dd><i>To serve therewith my Maker, and present</i></dd><dd><i>My true account, lest he returning chide,</i></dd><dd><i>"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"</i></dd><dd><i>I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent</i></dd><dd><i>That murmur, soon replies: "God doth not need</i></dd><dd><i>Either man's work or his own gifts: who best</i></dd><dd><i>Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state</i></dd><dd><i>Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed</i></dd><dd><i>And post o'er land and ocean without rest:</i></dd><dd><i>They also serve who only stand and wait."</i></dd></dl>
</blockquote>
<br />
But while I understand this for myself, at times I find it hard to understand for others. Is standing and waiting a more important job that raising children? Is standing and waiting more important than supporting your spouse? Is standing and waiting more important than being a witness in the workplace? These are all questions that I ask when I know someone who is close to death, and it just seems like it is too soon. Survivor's guilt creeps in when things just don't make sense.<br />
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What can we do when things don't make sense? We can try to make sense of it all ourselves. I know that will often not happen because of what God says:<br />
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The thoughts that God has, the ways that He knows, the plans that He makes are much bigger than anything we could imagine. So when things don't make sense, we have to trust. Trusting doesn't always mean understanding, but it does show how much we love God. Here's what it says in Proverbs:<br />
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While I might not always understand, I trust, I pray and I listen. Then God gives me little glimpses of Him to remind me of what a loving God He really is. He did that for me lately with a song that I had listened to many times, but never really heard. It's called <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8nsJZx8eWw" target="_blank">Dream For You</a>. It speaks of David who might have been dreaming of being a shepherd boy and Mary who would have been planning for Joseph to come for her on their wedding day. Yet God tells them this:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>So come on, let Me dream, let Me dream for you<br />
I am strong when you're weak and Ill carry you<br />
So let go of your plan, be caught by My hand<br />
I'll show you what I can do<br />
When I dream for you<br />
I have a dream for you</i></blockquote>
This is true for all of us. While our lives might not make sense to us, while what going on this world might not make sense to us, and even while what's going on in a friend's life might not make sense to us, it always makes sense to God. This is what it says later in the song:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I'm stronger than you think I am<br />
Ill take you farther than you think you can<br />
You sing and call me Great I Am<br />
So take your stand<br />
My child, if you only knew<br />
All the plans that I have for you<br />
Just trust me, I will follow through<br />
You can follow Me</i></blockquote>
Did you catch that at the beginning? God is stronger than we think He is. Isn't that amazing? No matter what we encounter, God is stronger than that, and, even better, he shares that strength with us.<br />
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I know I will still struggle with trying to make sense of things. But through it all I know I have a loving and gracious God who already has made sense of it all. The best part is He knew the perfect way to take care of our sin so we could get to Heaven. If He can make sense of our worst problem, He can and will make sense of everything that comes our way. For that, I am forever grateful.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-47725617582378757362014-07-11T08:43:00.000-07:002014-07-11T08:51:25.009-07:00Calling the Lonely and Brokenhearted<span style="font-size: large;">The word alone can invoke many different emotions for many different people. Some people like to be alone, others don't. For parents of young children being alone can be like the vacation of a lifetime. For someone looking for their spouse, being alone can be one of the strongest emotions you can deal with. For a teenager, feeling alone can make you feel like an outcast. For someone praying, being alone can bring a sense of peace. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">In any difficult situation there are times when you will feel alone. Sometime you feel like no one will ever understand what you are going through. Other times when a tough situation lasts a long time, you can feel alone because it feels like family and friends aren't there for you as much as when the whole thing started. They might not know what to say anymore; they might not think about it as often; they might just not want to think about it at all. It never means they don't care, but our emotions tell us that just might be the case. It's hard feeling like you are alone in the world.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There have been times in my life and through my cancer journey that I have felt alone. I remember crying out to God about how hard my loneliness was before he led me to my husband. I have cried out constant times when times with treatment get tough and in my head no one seems to understand. When you let those feelings take over they can turn into despair and make you wonder why God is allowing you to still be here. Heaven just seems like a much better place.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This past week I was a little lonely and brokenhearted. When the news came that my treatment is probably not working it made me very down trodden. Each time a new treatment comes I pray that this will be the one that will put me in remission, even if it is just for a little while. I also pray that if that is not God's will, that the treatment will keep my disease stable. Once again the prayer was answered with a no and a not yet. It's easy to feel alone when you don't know anyone else who seems to be going through what you are.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Then as I was getting ready on Wednesday morning, a song came on that I have heard many times. It's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzB9I8p819M" target="_blank">Whom Shall I Fear?</a> by Chris Tomlin. As I was singing along, part of the refrain really stuck with me.</span><br />
<br />
<i><b><span style="font-size: large;"> "I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind.</span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><b> The God of angel armies is always by my side."</b></i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That last line is what really struck me this time. You see, when I think of a leader of armies, I don't think of someone who would be right by my side. Our army leaders are usually guarded closely by others, we are not guarded by them. Our army leaders are directing their soldiers from afar, not telling them things face to face. Yet our God, who controls the most amazing angel army, is <u><b>by my side</b>!</u> He is there to lead, hold, comfort and protect everyone one of us. He is not a distant God just watching the universe float by. He is a personal God who cares for every one of us and is working out all our struggles for His good. What an amazing God we have.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So when you feel lonely or brokenhearted, remember this: you have a God who cares for you so much He is always right by your side. He is helping you. He loves you. He will never leave you.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So cry out to Him, He will hear you. Tell him your worries and fears. He alone can give you the comfort you need. Tell Him you are lonely. He will show you that He is always right there for you, as only a Father can do.</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-34131081454326893732014-06-23T13:47:00.000-07:002014-06-24T09:04:16.533-07:00The Best Way to Prepare<span style="font-size: large;">I'm getting ready for chemo (or ch-eeemo as my one son likes to call it) again on Friday. Right now that means a few different things. I like the house basically clean and picked up so it doesn't bother me when I'm too tired to do much of anything. We are looking at our children's activities for the next week to see what we can get them to ourselves and where we need help driving. We are looking to see what days meals will be brought over and deciding if some freezer meals need to be made before Friday. These are normal things for us again with chemo every three weeks.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's different now from when I started this five years ago. Then it was learning everything I could about side effects, the drugs I would be on, and figuring out ways to keep my children calm. As time went on, learning about things didn't seem as important as prepping the family for the chemo time as well as making every bit of family time count. All these ways were great ways for us to prepare for what was coming. It all depended on what we needed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">No matter what we face we all will prepare in different ways. Packing for vacations means some will wait until the last minute while others will spend weeks or months making sure everything is ready. Getting ready for a surgery means some will research everything they can while others want to know as little as possible so they won't worry about the possible complications. Preparing really depends on the person and what they need to succeed or feel comfortable.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Yet their are some things for which we will never be ready: the death of a parent, the diagnosis of a friend, the hurt from an argument, the diagnosis of cancer. No matter how much we try to be ready for some things, we just can't do it. It just seems like too much.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Yet, we are prepared for these things more than we might know. As I was reading my Bible this morning, I was readying in Exodus about the defeat of the Amalekites. This is the story where Moses kept his hands raised in a blessing over the Israelites. As long as his hand were up, the Israelites were winning. He couldn't keep this up on his own, so Aaron and hut brought him a stone to sit on and held up his hands. After a long day of battle, the Israelites won. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I've heard and read this story many times and have always loved the way God led friends to help Moses. But that isn't what struck me today. It was these words from Exodus 17: 9, 13-14.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Moses said to Joshua, "Choose some of our men and go out to fight the
Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of
God in my hands."... So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword. Then the LORD said to Moses, "Write this on a scroll as something to be
remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it, because I will completely
blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven."</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;">This battle took place over 40 years before Joshua was going to be leader of the Israelites. But this needed to be part of his training for all the battles that were to come when they were finally allowed to enter Israel. Not only did God show everyone that Joshua would be a great leader, He also made sure that this event was written on a scroll for Joshua to hear and remember. There was no way that Joshua could have prepared himself for what was to come, but God could. And since God is all-knowing, He knew the absolute best way to prepare Joshua. He does the same for us.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">How do we know this? We know because God has known us since before time began. This is what he says in Psalm 139:15-16.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me <b><i>were written in your book before one of them came to be."</i></b></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;"> God knew everything that was going to happen to us before we were born, even before we were conceived. He knows what will happen and He knows how to help us. That help might come in the form of a lesson taught, words from a friend, or something read. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But even more amazing is that help can come in ways that we just don't see and might never know about on this side of Heaven. I had many car difficulties when I was in college. One of my cars was totaled when a friend was driving it; in one of my cars the gas gauge wasn't working and we ran out of gas on a major highway; one of my cars was a lemon with a rebuilt engine that we sometimes had to leave running while we filled up with gas, and this same car broke an axle 10 miles out of town when it had just been fixed. My brothers said after I had twins and we found out that they were autistic was that God gave me these car troubles to prepare me for the unexpected. Maybe that is true, maybe not, But through all those things God was preparing me to always trust in Him. He truly means what He says in Jeremiah 29:11-13.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Whatever you are preparing for, prepare in the way that fits you best. Just know that you have an amazing God who has already done so many things to help you, and will continue to do many more things for you in the future. </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-48262603173258150022014-05-28T06:16:00.000-07:002014-05-28T06:16:21.482-07:00Why I Don't Give Up<span style="font-size: large;">"That's it! I give up!" That's a statement that I've heard my children say from time to time. When they were younger it might have been about a game they just couldn't win. As they got older it was more often than not about homework. And as they continue to mature, I'm sure there will be times where they will want to give up again, and they just might have a right to do so. But it is my job to encourage them to keep going, to push through, not because they might just get it, but because they will learn from the struggle.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Five years ago on May 28th I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Sometimes it's hard to believe that it's been that long. Other times it seems like an eternity. When I was diagnosed giving up was not even in my vocabulary. We were going to hit the cancer hard, get into remission, hit the 5 year mark free of cancer, and then feel like the worst was behind us. There just wasn't any other option, so the thought of giving up never even entered my mind.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Since then, I've thought about giving up. There have been times where Ive been so tired that I just don't want to be tired anymore. There have been times I have felt so sick that I thought I wasn't going to make it another couple of months. I have dealt with drug withdrawals, neuropathy, surgeries, intense pain and depression. I've been ready to give up and stop treatment. Heaven seems much more appealing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Yet I haven't given up. Some of you might be thinking it's because of my family. Honestly, that is only a very small part of why I don't give up. The real reason I don't give up is because God hasn't let me know that it's time for me to give up. I think he has more to teach me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Max Lucado says it this way:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> "No, we don't give up. We look up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> We trust. We believe.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> And our optimism in not hollow.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> Christ has proven worthy.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> He has shown that He never fails.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> That's what makes God, God."</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My favorite line is "our optimism is not hollow". At one point my optimism focused on my healing. My optimism doesn't lie there any more, not because it's not possible, but because it's not necessary. My healing is not dependent upon how much God loves me. He proved His love for me long ago when He sent Jesus, His son, to die for me. My healing doesn't correlate with how much I love God. I love God because He has already saved me from my spiritual cancer. My optimism now focuses on all the amazing things God has done for me from the beginning of time to my death and finally at my resurrection. It's not hollow because Heaven will happen. It's not hollow because I will rise again. It's not hollow because my sins are forgiven. It's not hollow because He has shown me countless times over the past five years how much He really does love me. There is no doubt, just perfect hope.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Since He's taught me that over the past five years, I wonder what He has in store for me next.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Over the weekend I was given an amazing gift by one brother's family. It was this bonsai tree.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXC4UNP3S-lBputEMiqo93ogn5_xW692ECZ5dyJUU7UgLS3sSyKyNETEBduRRojyl4ydH45tb3iQb3TtEQ2tp9VG09gb-ziAMFfq4_2BoUeFLYlJL0HN5cYT4qApLIZ-AednaCU2UkdrMU/s1600/DSCN2836.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXC4UNP3S-lBputEMiqo93ogn5_xW692ECZ5dyJUU7UgLS3sSyKyNETEBduRRojyl4ydH45tb3iQb3TtEQ2tp9VG09gb-ziAMFfq4_2BoUeFLYlJL0HN5cYT4qApLIZ-AednaCU2UkdrMU/s1600/DSCN2836.JPG" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">The unique thing about this tree is that it was started 5 years ago on May 28th. The same day I found out I had cancer and stared death in the face for the first time, this tree started it's life. In some ways it's my own personal tree of life which I now get to look at every day.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This tree got me thinking about the Tree of Life in the Bible. We all know about the one in Genesis that God placed in the Garden of Eden for Adam and Eve. But we forget about the Tree of Life that is mentioned in Revelation. The Tree of Life is in Heaven, the place where our paradise we lost is now restored. Revelation 22:14 says "Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city." Because of what Jesus has done for us, our robes are clean by His blood. We now have the right to this Tree of Life. We will be in Heaven forever. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So why don't I give up? It's not because I know I will be healed. There is no guarantee in that. It's not because I need to be here for my family. God will take care of them if it's time for me to go home. I don't give up because God will never, ever fail me. I don't give up because He will lead me through whatever comes my way. I don't give up because my God will take me home to live with Him forever. That's why I don't give up. That's why none of us ever need to give up.</span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-59947819444702455332014-05-27T10:10:00.000-07:002014-05-27T10:10:50.552-07:00Praying for Many on May 28th<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Tomorrow marks my 5 year anniversary of being diagnosed. We found out around 9 in the morning. If I could be so bold, I have a prayer request for everyone. If you could stop and pray around 9, either in your own time zone or at 9 Pacific Time, and pray for 5 minutes. Pray for all those who need to know God is with them during their time of need. If you can't pray at that time, pick a time that works for you. </span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-59569537394722905842014-05-15T13:10:00.000-07:002014-05-15T13:10:53.266-07:00My Shell<span style="font-size: large;">I suppose when some of you look at the title of this posting, you might be thinking about someone who reverts into their "shell" when life gets hard. Those of you who know me well know that is not what I do. I'm not talking about that kind of shell, but the earthly shell of my body.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I got to thinking about this about a week ago when I received my <a href="http://www.wels.net/spiritual-help/daily-devotion" target="_blank">daily devotion</a> entitled "<a href="http://www.wels.net/spiritual-help/daily-devotion/2014-05/devotion-may-1-2014" target="_blank">How Are You Today?</a>". What struck me the most in this devotion was the first paragraph:</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;"> "Pearl was one of the most enthusiastic Christians I’ve known, even
though she suffered through the pain of polio and all of its
complications for many years. When people would greet her and inquire,
"How are you today?" she would cheerfully answer, "Just fine!" Those who
knew what Pearl went through in life—difficulties including being
confined to a wheelchair and losing her fiancée because of the
polio—sometimes questioned her sincerity. "How can you say you're fine
when you are suffering so much?" Pearl's sincere response was: "How I
feel has very little to do with how I am. You see, the part of me that
hurts is just a shell, not the real me, and the real me is just fine!"</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;">It really got me thinking about my attitude toward my chemo and my cancer. My standard response lately has been, "I'm ok, just really tired. We just keep going one day at a time." I've been disheartened because I am so tired already, and have already noticed that I don't feel comfortable doing things that I was able to do just a month ago. Chemo-brain has come back with a vengeance. I can't remember names, I loose my train of thought easily and I can get confused by things that made sense before. After almost two years of feeling somewhat normal again, it's been hard accepting that things are going to change again.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yet, I can say with Pearl, the real me is just fine. This passage from 2 Corinthians tells me why.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> </span> <br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Outwardly, my body and parts of my mind are going to increasingly waste away with this chemo. I learned today on a board that the worst part of the chemo is the tiredness. I'm going to have to learn to adjust to that. Of course my confusion at times with chemo-brain will get worse. I will have to be patient with myself and my family will have to learn to be patient with me by not trying to finish my sentences or figure out what I'm trying to say. Yet those parts of me don't really matter. It's my soul that matters, and God is using many things to keep me focused on Him and to make sure I am renewed every day.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This week I was blessed with a great renewal. The Junior Class at <a href="http://elhs.org/" target="_blank">Evergreen Lutheran High School</a> was given an assignment to write letters to me encouraging me and my family as we continue in this journey we are on. Most of them don't know me well, even though they know my daughter. These letters could have easily been very simple things that were written, but they weren't. Each letter was written to truly help me. Stories were shared, Bible passages quoted and used, and promises of prayers were given. Each letter renewed my soul. Some made me laugh, others made me cry, but each one was a gift from God to renew me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Tomorrow I have my next chemo session. Outwardly, because of this, I am wasting away. That's just the way it is for all of us. But these troubles we all face are just light and momentary. One day our shells will be renewed to their perfect glory. Until then, I will be thankful for the many ways that God uses people and His Word to renew my soul. And I can say with confidence "I'm just fine!" </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-65086691101417605592014-04-25T08:47:00.000-07:002014-04-25T08:47:41.332-07:00Focusing On I AM<span style="font-size: large;">Today I start chemo again. I am not looking forward to it. I wouldn't be telling the truth if I said I was. But once again I feel at peace. It's not peace knowing that I will be healed. but it's peace knowing that everything is under control.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday our pastor came over to have a devotion with us. I always appreciate the time he takes to care for our souls and our faith. He could have talked with us about many things -- trust in God, don't be afraid, rely on Him -- and the list could go on and on. But instead he focused on a verse that he had just read from John.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Jesus had just been talking to the Jews who were claiming he was demon-possessed and a Samaritan, two horrible claims for Jews at this time. They didn't like that he was saying that if anyone keeps God's word they would never taste death. Abraham and the prophets died and they kept God's word, so how was this even possible.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Jesus answer told them that He knew God, for He is God. He told them He was around before Abraham was born.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So what does this mean for me and for you? It means that before we were even thought of, God was there. It means that before we were born, God was there. It means that before our major trials in life, He was there. And it means that during our major trials in life, He will continue to be there. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">God is always with us. He doesn't change. Here's what it says in James.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Since God never changes, He will be there for all of us in the way He knows is best. He will do whatever He has to to keep us close to Him. We never have to worry about not being good enough for His grace, because Jesus took care of that for us. And since Jesus took care of our worst problem, He will take care of us in the way He knows is best, and nothing will ever sway Him from that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">There is so much unknown in our lives. There is much right now with the new chemo I am going to start. But through that all I will have peace, focusing on God, who is I AM. </span> </div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-7552815017837632352014-04-23T12:21:00.000-07:002014-04-24T16:33:11.157-07:00I'm Changing My Prayers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">This verse comes from the book of James. It is a verse I have clung to for almost 5 years in my battle with cancer. I've known that the thousands of prayers that have been prayed by myself, my family and my prayer warriors have been heard. They have prayed in earnest for my complete healing. They have prayed in earnest for the peace that passes all understanding. They have prayed for understanding. They have prayed unceasingly, but yet God has answered no for some of these prayers. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I found out I had to go back on chemo again, I was crushed. Our family has had an amazing 22 months of, for the most part, feeling like a family without cancer. I didn't want to let go of that. I still don't. But that's not the plan God has for me and my family right now. And after praying for 5 years for the same things, there are times where you just don't know what to pray for anymore. It has nothing to do with thinking God doesn't hear me or He doesn't care. That is the farthest thing from the truth. It comes more from wondering if my prayers should go in a different direction.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Right after we found out, my pastor left me a message. I had told him that I just didn't know what to pray for anymore. He said that we should start with this:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">That is such the perfect place to start. God's will is perfect. He knows what I need to stay close to Him. He knows what my family needs to stay close to Him. He knows what others need around me to stay close or even bring them to Him. So that's where I have started. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Yet, it still has been hard to know what to pray for without just rambling that phrase over and over again, which I have done often. Then God reminded me of another one of my favorite passages that I have turned to throughout my life when things have been difficult.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This has been such a comfort these past two weeks. I truly have not known what to pray for because it just all seems like too much. Yet this Holy Spirit is interceding for me, asking God for the things that I need when I don't know what it is that I need. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Through all this struggle the past two weeks, God has shown me once again that He is always there for me. He has led me through some low points, as well as given me some breaks where I could just feel normal one last time. And through all that, He has shown me how I should pray.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This morning I realized that even though I really don't know how to pray for myself, I can pray for the others around me. So here is how I'm going to be praying.</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-size: large;">I'm going to be praying for my oncologist. I am going to pray that she can continue to find ways to give me a quality of life. I am going to pray that she never feels defeated, no matter what the outcome. I am going to pray that she continues to see God through me.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I'm going to pray for my infusion team. I am going to pray that my new team will be as perceptive as my old team was. I am going to pray that God leads them to find ways to help me. And once again I am going to pray that they see God through me.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I'm going to pray for the nurses at the clinic at SCCA. They have gone through some personal struggles and changes and they need my prayers. I'm going to pray that they can continue to find ways to help all the patients they see every day. And I will pray that they see God through me.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I'm going to pray for all the friends and family who are helping me. I'm going to pray prayers of thanksgiving that our family has people who are willing to go the extra mile to help us. I'm going to pray that they always have hearts of service, not only for me, but for others as well. And I will pray that they see God through me.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large;">I'm going to pray for my family, both the ones that are close and the ones that are far away. This has been as hard on them as it has on me. I'm going to pray that they can see God's hand in whatever happens. I'm going to pray that whatever happens God keeps them close. And I will pray that they see God through me.</span></li>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> It's time for me to change my prayers. It's time for me to see God working in different ways rather than just through my health. It's time to truly say with complete trust, "Thy Will Be Done".</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-85167645594048682652014-04-11T17:27:00.001-07:002014-04-23T19:52:08.920-07:00Falling In His Arms<span style="font-size: large;"><i>You will be safe in His arms. You will be safe in His arms<br /> The hands that hold the world are holding your heart<br /> This is the promise He made, He will be with you always<br /> When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms</i><br /> (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6c3CYdqTG8" target="_blank">Safe</a> by Phil Wickham)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Honestly, I don't even know where to begin tonight. I just know that I need to put this down so I can move on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">After praying for peace for a week, we got peace in a way we weren't hoping for, but one we really were expecting. The Parp Inhibitor that I've been taking since July of 2012 has seemed to have stopped working. Because this is a study medication, protocol dictates that when it no longer shows that it is keeping the cancer at bay the patient needs to be taken off the medication. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My CT scan showed that even though the cancer spots that they have been watching are still stable, the lymph nodes aren't. We knew of one that they had been watching, but now there are three. They are just above my diaphragm. The second she told me where they were, it all finally made sense. I have had some breathing issues when walking at times, and when I bend over sometimes I can also have some problems getting dizzy when I stand up.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is time for me to go back on chemo. We had the choice to wait a month to see what exactly would happen. My cancer number could have not jumped that much, or it could have jumped a ton. Paul and I had about 10 minutes to talk things over while my oncologist was talking with the clinic nurses. Waiting just never felt right, even though it was an option. The possibility was there that I could stay off it for many months if I wasn't too symptomatic. But that didn't feel right to either of us. We didn't want to be in a situation where I was really sick and then had to start chemo. So by the time she came back with another option for chemo, we knew we had to start now rather than wait. The waiting would be more stressful than the chemo.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I will be starting chemo again in two weeks. I will get it every three weeks. I will be on a chemo where I have to be careful about touching cold things. Touching cold things 2-3 days after chemo could lead to neuropathy. I won't loose my hair, but it might thin. The steroids are going to be the tough part again. We do know in general what to expect, so that will be helpful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We will need help again. With all the places our kids need to get to, we will be relying on some of you to help us. I know I will need people to take me to chemo again. What else we will need I don't know yet. We will have the next five days to figure things out since Paul took some vacation time. Once again this wasn't in our original plan to have him take time off now, but God always knows what is best. We are grateful for that time now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I don't know what the next two weeks will bring as our family gets ready to start the chemo protocol again. I don't know that this chemo or any chemo will ever kill the cancer. What we do know is that God has promised to be with us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">He has promised to hold us up with his righteous hands. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We will be failing into His Arms very often these next two weeks, learning again how to rely on His strength to get us through these days. May He help us to fall into His arms and remember all the amazing things he has done, not for our earthly life, but for our heavenly one.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-45996527164291705972014-04-07T11:16:00.000-07:002014-06-03T08:20:07.953-07:00When Peace Seems Far Away<span style="font-size: large;"> <i>Hold it all together<br /> Everybody needs you strong<br /> But life hits you out of nowhere<br /> And barely leaves you holding on</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">(From<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIZitK6_IMQ&feature=kp" target="_blank"> Just Be Held</a> by Casting Crowns)<br /><br />That's kind of what my last month has felt like. It's also why I haven't posted since we found out about the jump in my last cancer number. We have been so busy between basketball, physical therapy for Melanie, Lent and then just every day life, I haven't had the time to even focus on writing. But today it's necessary.<br /><br />By the time many of you read this, I will have had my CT scan. We decided, with encouragement from my oncologist, that we do my routine CT scan a month early. Aside from the normal tiredness of a busy life, some things have seemed a bit off from time to time. So now it's time for another scan, another blood test, another period of waiting to find out what is going to happen next. And as I pray all I really long for is peace.<br /><br />When we started this journey almost 5 years ago I had peace. I woke up from my surgery knowing that I had cancer and I had this incredible sense of peace. It was that peace that's described in Philippians 4:7</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> We knew everything was going to be fine. I'm sure at that time it was a feeling that I was going to be healed, but it was even more than that. I was at peace with what was coming. My heart and my mind felt guarded. It was what peace was always meant to be.<br /><br />I'm longing for that type of peace again. After almost five years of fighting something, I'm tired. I'm not tired to the point of giving up. I'm tired of having cancer. <br /><br /><i> And when you're tired of fighting<br /> Chained by your control<br /> There's freedom in surrender<br /> Lay it down and let it go </i><br /><br />That verse is what I need to focus on now. I need to once again let God show me where to go and what to do. And I need to focus on where my true peace is: In Christ, In His Sacrifice, In Heaven.<br /><br /> <i>If your eyes are on the storm<br /> You'll wonder if I love you still<br /> But if your eyes are on the cross<br /> You'll know I always have and I always will<br /><br /> And not a tear is wasted<br /> In time, you'll understand<br /> I'm painting beauty with the ashes<br /> Your life is in My hands</i><br /><br />I know many of you lift me up daily in your prayers. I know many of you are praying for my healing. The rest of this week, I ask you to change your prayers for me. Please storm God's throne with prayers for my peace. Please storm God's throne with prayers to help me remember where my peace truly lies. Please storm God's throne with prayers for peace while my family and I wait for the results on Friday. And finally please storm God's throne with prayers for guidance as we continue this journey.<br />Because with those prayers and by God's grace I will be able to feel that peace I long for, because I will be held by Him.<br /><br /><i> Lift your hands, lift your eyes<br /> In the storm is where you'll find Me<br /> And where you are, I'll hold your heart<br /> I'll hold your heart<br /> Come to Me, find your rest<br /> In the arms of the God who wont let go<br /><br /> So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away<br /> You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held<br /> Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place<br /> I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held<br /> Just be held, just be held</i></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-2702438791043316392014-02-04T11:20:00.003-08:002014-02-04T13:35:26.916-08:00World Cancer Day -- We Are Not Alone<span style="font-size: large;">Today is World Cancer Day. If you watched the Super Bowl you would have seen this <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vhMpXMPvdU" target="_blank">commercial</a> by Chevrolet. I know when we first heard the song we were wondering what this commercial was talking about. Then I saw the woman in the short hair and I knew. One of my sons was sitting by me and when he saw the end of the commercial, he just squeezed my arm and said, "That's for you, Mom."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">One thing I think that they were trying to convey is to show that cancer survivors need support. But what I really liked about that commercial was what they said at the end about survivors. Too often we think of survivors as those who have fought and won. Chevy clearly spelled it out when they said they were "...celebrating survivors and those who support them in their road to recovery." That encompasses everyone, from the person who is just starting a battle, to one who has finished, and even to the one who might have a battle that will last for more years than anyone thought was possible.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's still hard for me to think about the fact that I am one of those fighting survivors and that my family has to face my cancer every day. God has been gracious and given us more strength to deal with this than any of us would have ever dreamed possible. But sometimes it's easy to feel like you are all alone in your fight. Your friends and your family are there, but they just can't understand what you are going through. And the survivors are there for there family, but even they don't know what their family is going through. That feeling of being alone can become so overwhelming that at times you wonder if anyone really remembers anymore. In your head you know it's not true, but the emotions take over and cry out in longing for some tangible comfort and support.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If we had to rely on our fellow man only for comfort, we could never be satisfied. But because we have an omnipresent, or all present God, we have comfort surrounding us at all times. He has promised to be with us always, to the very end of the age.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> He has promised that He has a plan for us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">He has promised that what He has in store for us is better than anything we could understand.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But most importantly He promised His Son, a promise that has already been fulfilled.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You might be wondering what you can do today, or any day, to support the survivors of cancer. First and foremost, pray. God has promised to hear our prayers and nothing is too big to ask of him. But there are always other things you can do. If you know someone who is just starting the battle, do something for them. Don't ask what they need, instead just do something to brighten a day. If you know someone who has the blessing of beating the disease, remind them that you are still thinking of them. Rejoice with them that they have the gift of remission, a gift from God. If you know someone who is in a long battle, don't forget them. Listen to the joys and the fears that are had. Think of a way to brighten a day. God's love will shine through with whatever you do. And if there is someone close to being done with a battle and it looks like they will be going to their eternal home, offer as much support as you can and constantly remind them of God's unfailing love.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">May God use this day to lead many to show their support for cancer survivors and their families. And may He also lead people to continue to support all those fighting.</span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-83406531896273202282014-01-21T15:11:00.000-08:002014-09-06T18:31:38.640-07:00When We Need to Cry<span style="font-size: large;">Any type of walk can have it's challenges. Those that are quick walks have the pressure of being done in a shorter amount of time than you might want to do it in. The longer walks can have hills and valleys that test your endurance and your stamina, and you might want to get it done sooner than you should. My cancer walk is definitely the second one. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I am at a point in my walk right now where I am sad. A journey that we thought would only last about a year has now passed the 4 1/2 year mark. There have been many ups and downs, from the highest of highs of reaching remission, to the lowest of lows when I was going through drug withdrawal. In some ways, those parts of the journey were easier because either there was an end in sight or because we could see God's hand at work in a very visible way. Right now, neither one of those is clear.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I had my CT scan last week. We got mixed results, some good and some wait and see. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The good -- all the spots where they knew there was cancer have stayed the same. That includes the lung nodules, the ascites around my lung and the lymph nodes in my abdomen.<br /><br />The wait and see -- my CA-125 went up again to 83. Once again it's not a super big and in the big picture as far as where my number was it's a very small jump. The one thing that did get bigger was the lymph node in my esophagus area. (That's the one that led me to have my breast MRI) My oncologist didn't mention that yesterday, but the doctor I saw today did. She said to watch that and my number. If my number or the lymph node increases significantly then a biopsy or removal of the lymph node might be done. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The interesting part of this is that my oncologist and the doctor I have seen a bit more often disagree on the new lymph node. My oncologist and the radiologist think it might be inflammation. The doctor I've been seeing is a little more cautious. We did ask why we just couldn't have it biopsied now. Because it is small and it is in an area where they could hurt some important body parts, it isn't wise to do that now. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So where does that leave me? I really don't know. I am thankful that the places that we know there is cancer are staying stable. That allows me to stay on the PARP inhibitor in pill form rather than having to go back on chemo. But at the same time I have all these emotions coursing through me that I don't enjoy. They include sadness, anger and even bitterness because there is no end in site. I know I've written before about looking at my disease as a chronic condition, but right now it's hard to hear those words. They are a curse rather than a comfort.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So I cry, alot. And that in itself can be a conundrum. I want to be thankful for all that God has done for me, but I just want to be done with this marathon walk. I want to look at the positive that the cancer is stable, but there is that spot that scares me to death. I want to be thankful for the energy that I do have, but I want to feel like I'm a normal, healthy person again. And I really want to just break down every time someone asks me how I'm doing, but sometimes people just don't understand how hard this is, so it's easier to appear strong. So often I even feel guilty for crying to God and even questioning Him. I wonder at times what His plan really is.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The only thing that can really comfort me is God. I think of all the Psalms where the authors showed their distress, even wondering if God was listening. Psalm 77 expresses so well how I am feeling.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><strong><span style="font-size: large;">I cried out to God<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15095A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> for help;<br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-1">I cried out to God to hear me.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-77-2" id="en-NIV-15096">When I was in distress,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15096B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> I sought the Lord;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-2">at night<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15096C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup> I stretched out untiring hands,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15096D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup></span></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-2">and I would not be comforted.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15096E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup></span></span></span></strong></em></div>
<div class="line" style="text-align: center;">
<em><strong><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-77-3" id="en-NIV-15097"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>I remembered<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15097F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup> you, God, and I groaned;<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15097G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-3">I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-77-4" id="en-NIV-15098"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>You kept my eyes from closing;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-4">I was too troubled to speak.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15098I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup></span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-77-5" id="en-NIV-15099"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>I thought about the former days,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15099J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-5">the years of long ago;</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-77-6" id="en-NIV-15100"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>I remembered my songs in the night.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-6">My heart meditated and my spirit asked:</span></span></span></strong></em></div>
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<em><strong><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-77-7" id="en-NIV-15101">“Will the Lord reject forever?<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15101K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-7">Will he never show his favor<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15101L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)"></sup> again?</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-77-8" id="en-NIV-15102"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Has his unfailing love<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15102M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)"></sup> vanished forever?</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-8">Has his promise<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15102N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)"></sup> failed for all time?</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-77-9" id="en-NIV-15103"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Has God forgotten to be merciful?<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15103O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)"></sup></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-9">Has he in anger withheld his compassion?<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15103P" title="See cross-reference P">P</a>)"></sup>”</span></span></span></strong></em></div>
<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;"></span></em></strong><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Then the next part of the Psalm says this:</span><br />
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: large;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:<br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-10">the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15104Q" title="See cross-reference Q">Q</a>)"></sup></span></span></span></em></strong><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-77-11"> I will remember the deeds of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-11">yes, I will remember your miracles<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15105R" title="See cross-reference R">R</a>)"></sup> of long ago.</span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-77-12" id="en-NIV-15106"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>I will consider<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15106S" title="See cross-reference S">S</a>)"></sup> all your works</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-12">and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15106T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)"></sup></span></span></span></em></strong></div>
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<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Ps-77-13" id="en-NIV-15107"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Your ways, God, are holy.</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-13">What god is as great as our God?<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15107U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)"></sup></span></span><br /><span class="text Ps-77-14" id="en-NIV-15108">You are the God who performs miracles;<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-15108V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Ps-77-14">you display your power among the peoples.</span></span></span></em></strong></div>
<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;"></span></em></strong><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">There are many amazing things God has done for me, and for you. The most important one is that He sent His Son to live and die for us so we could be with Him. Even when it feels like He is farther away than He ever could be, He is still right there carrying us in ways that we can't even fathom.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So, I don't wonder if He is there. I know He is. Even though all the emotions run through me, I know He is carrying me just like He carried all those before me. But I know there will be times that I need to cry, and that is just fine, because He will meet me at that place. And sometimes He uses us to help others see God again. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You see, when someone is hurting, he just wants to hear God's voice in any way. One song that resonates with me right now is Steven Curtis Champaman's </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_Fb00bfOsE" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Sound of Your Voice.</span></a><span style="font-size: large;"> Here are some of the lyrics:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: CenturyGothic;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: CenturyGothic;"><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">There’s a woman who’s crying ‘cause her hope is dying<br /> And a friend whispers “You are not alone”<br />And I hear Your voice<br /> I hear the sound of Your voice<br /><br /> God, You know how much I wish</span></em></strong></span></div>
<span style="font-family: CenturyGothic;">
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: CenturyGothic;"><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;"> I could just hear You say the words<br /> And answer all the questions everybody’s asking<br /> But until I hear You speak<br /> Will You help me hear the songs You’re singing </span></em></strong></span></div>
<span style="font-family: CenturyGothic;">
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: CenturyGothic;"><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">over all this noise<br /> I will be listening for the sound of Your voice</span></em></strong></span></div>
<span style="font-family: CenturyGothic;">
</span><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When you meet someone who is in a place of extreme hurt, show them empathy and meet them at that place just like God does. Don't tell him about all the good in his life that he should focus on. Instead point him to Jesus. Don't tell him that God's plan can take time. Instead point him to Jesus. And I think one of the best things you could do for him is instead of telling him you will pray for him, say a prayer with him, right then, right there. Tears might flow, but that just might be what is needed. Then they just might be able to do this:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
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<strong><em><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And I’ll close my eyes for a moment<br /> When I open them again<br /> You’ll be standing there face to face<br /> And I’ll sing for joy<br /> And I will finally hear Your voice</span></em></strong></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-70756925056714581802013-11-26T21:27:00.000-08:002013-11-26T21:37:25.189-08:00Yes, I Still Have Cancer<span style="font-size: large;">It's been interesting over the last few weeks that I have had several conversations with people who think I am in remission. I understand that it's easy to forget that I still have cancer. I'm active, I look normal and it seems like everything is going well. Tonight we were reminded that the cancer is still there.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">After a great report on Friday with my breast MRI, my cancer number came back today. It went up 14 points. Since it's never jumped that much in the past four months, I'm sure you can understand why we are a little concerned. The lowest it's been is 49. I haven't had a chance to talk with my oncologist yet. In a short email her words were that it's a small jump percentage wise and that I should hang tight. I'm pretty sure she means that we should just keep going with the course of treatment that we are on. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I ask tonight that you keep me in your prayers. I need peace. I need peace knowing that this isn't the beginning of the end. I need peace in knowing that this could turn around again. And mostly I need peace to help me keep going. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Fortunately the one peace I will never loose in the peace I have knowing my sins are forgiven. No matter what comes my way, that will never be taken away. So while I might not have earthly peace, I have eternal peace in Jesus.</span><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08926783966276427514noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9204480708072573941.post-69135347255578748152013-11-12T13:22:00.000-08:002013-11-12T13:22:02.321-08:00God is Not Worried So I'm Taking Another Step<span style="font-size: large;">Life has been busy. It's been so busy that I really hadn't been able to think about blogging for a while. The past month I've wanted to blog, but things have come up that made me feel I should wait just a little bit longer. But now I need to again because I need your daily prayers.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span><span dir="ltr"><br />
So here's what's going on. My CA-125 as of last month is now up to 60. In the bigger picture it's only gone up 11 points, but it has been
steadily going up for four months now. In October I had a routine CT scan that I need to have every three months. They did find a lymph node that
they hadn't been watching before near some part of my esophagus that
grew from 4 mm to 10 mm. When I first talked with my oncologist we were both kind of bummed. She hadn't looked specifically
at the CT scan, just the reports. At that point she said that we were
staying on the medication I have been on because this didn't mean it wasn't working.
We would just see what happened.<br />
<br />
Then she looked at my CT scan and called me back. The spots they had
been watching, and what she considers to be better markings because
that's where they know disease is, have all shrunk or stayed the same. </span></span><span><span dir="ltr"><span><span dir="ltr">The lymph node near my esophagus is in my chest area, but not in the
mammary gland area of the breast. My CA-125 could go up because of
breast cancer. My oncologist said that we could do a blood test to check for
breast cancer, but that can also be elevated when
you have ovarian cancer. It's very unusual for someone to get breast
cancer while being treated for ovarian, but with the history of both in
our family, it's something to get checked. <br />
<br />
So between the lymph node and the small rise in CA-125 my oncologist
thought I was smart for wanting to get something checked out. I'm
overdue for a breast MRI which would pick things up better than a
mammogram. We haven't
done one in a while for two reasons - 1) I was fighting ovarian cancer
and 2) I had a horrible panic attack with my first one. I will be
having one on November 21st and
they will give me something to keep me calm, i.e. drug me up. I will find out the results the next day when I see my oncologist. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span><span dir="ltr"><span><span dir="ltr"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span><span dir="ltr"><span><span dir="ltr">I will admit I am a little concerned. </span></span></span></span><span><span dir="ltr"><span><span dir="ltr"><span><span dir="ltr"> There were
lymph nodes around my liver before the ovarian cancer was found. That is the biggest reason I want to have this checked out. Between that and my gut telling me something is going on, it would be very easy to let something like this overwhelm me. But God once again puts things in my life to show me He is in control.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span><span dir="ltr"><span><span dir="ltr"><span><span dir="ltr"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span><span dir="ltr"><span><span dir="ltr"><span><span dir="ltr">One of those things was a devotion by Karen Ehman entitled <a href="http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devotion-author/karen-ehman/" target="_blank">God is Not Worried.</a> Here is her quote that really struck me.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /><em>God is not worried</em>. He’s not in heaven wringing His hands, wondering just how everything will eventually turn out. He is in control. He is loving.</span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;">God longs to use the circumstances of our lives to mold our mind,
craft our character, and chase away the fears that threaten to slither
in, paralyzing us and rendering us ineffective. Ever the patient and
wise teacher, if He isn’t freaking out, why should we?</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;">That same day another devotion came my way with this Bible verse from the New Living Translation:</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="text Prov-3-24" id="en-NLT-16456"><sup class="versenum">24 </sup>You can go to bed without fear;</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-3-24">you will lie down and sleep soundly.</span></span><br /><span class="text Prov-3-25" id="en-NLT-16457"><sup class="versenum">25 </sup>You need not be afraid of sudden disaster</span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Prov-3-25">or the destruction that comes upon the wicked,</span></span><br /><span class="text Prov-3-26" id="en-NLT-16458"><sup class="versenum">26 </sup>for the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> is your security. Proverbs 3:24-26a</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: large;">God knew once again what I needed to hear from His Word. I could freak out about this entire situation and be convinced that something awful was going to happen. But if God isn't freaking out, why should I? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">So instead I choose to take another step. I've been listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's new album quite a bit this past month. My favorite song is called <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Niw-qA1JWeQ" target="_blank">Take Another Step</a>. Here are my favorite lyrics of the song:</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We walk by faith and not by sight we know it’s true<br />
We say it and sing it and love the way it sounds<br />
But none of us can even begin to truly understand<br />
What it really means ‘til all the lights go out<br />
And there we are nothing to hold on to<br />
But the promises God’s made to me and you</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
Take another step, take another step<br />
When the road ahead is dark<br />
And you don’t know where to go<br />
Take another step, take another step<br />
Trust God and take another step</span>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
If there’s an ocean in front of you<br />
You know what you’ve gotta do<br />
Take another step and another step<br />
Maybe He’ll turn the water into land<br />
And maybe He’ll take your hand and say<br />
Let’s take a walk on the waves<br />
Will you trust Me either way<br />
And take another step<br />
Take another step </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">It's time for me to take another step on this marathon cancer journey that I am in. I have never been able to go on this journey alone. God has provided me with so many of you who pray often for me. So now I ask that you daily lift me up in prayer again. Pray that, if it is God's will, that these steps that I have to take are ones that will be easy. But if they are not, pray that God keeps me and my family close to Him, always relying on His strength to get us through the steps of each day. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">God is not worried, so I'm taking another step.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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<span class="text Ps-37-23" id="en-NIV-14474"><sup class="versenum"></sup></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Ps-37-24"><br /></span></span></div>
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