The Highs and Lows Of Cancer

We all have highs and lows in our lives.  They start from the time we are young.  When we are young something from a scraped knee to not watching a TV show can make for "the worst day ever." and then it can turn around by getting something as simple as a Popsicle.   As we get older we have the highs of a first date, a wedding and the birth of children.  But there are the lows with struggling with kids, seeing loved ones hurting and just the trials of everyday life. 


I was looking over my cancer journal today on Carepages and realized how quickly the highs and lows of cancer really come.  I went from a low of the diagnosis, to the high of treatment working, to the high of remission, to the low of the cancer being back all in the matter of 10 months.  Since then there have been highs and lows between treatments working and not working, feeling great and then getting very sick, plus the normal highs and lows that every family goes through in life.  Some might look at my family and me and wonder how we get through it all.


As I was looking through my journal I came across this post on a day that was definitely a low, even though it wasn't a major one.  Here's what I wrote:

"Today was a mixed day. I was tired from a car alarm going off at 2:30 in the morning. The owner didn't hear it so it went off for about 1/2 hour. Between that and the storm that blew through, it was a restless night. Nausea is still there. Today I had a hard time eating. I talked to my nurse today and she put me on some different medication that we are hoping helps. If this one doesn't, we do have one more option. Hopefully this will be the trick that takes it away....

 I ended up doing quite a bit of driving today -- Bible class, chiropractor appointment and picking up kids from school. I was pretty tired as I was driving and I wondered how I could keep my stamina up. One of my favorite songs by Casting Crowns came on the radio "Praise You In The Storm". Part of the song quotes this Psalm from the Bible:

 
As I drove in the valley and looked up to the hills I could feel God watching over me and making sure I had just enough stamina to get to school and back. Nothing that the world throws at me can take God's protection away. He is watching over me all the time and making sure I get to go home to Heaven one day. What an amazing God we have."

 My family and I don't get through the highs and lows of this journey because of anything we do.  It is only because of what God does for us.  And when you think about it, none of us get through any of the highs and lows of our lives on our own.  God is there watching us always because He never sleeps.  He promises He will be with us forever, no matter what gets thrown our way.  How appropriate to look to the hills and remember God through our highs and lows.  During our lows we can look up and remember we have a God who is taking care of us, and during our highs we can look up and remember that God has directed us and given us that blessing.  May you always be able to look at the hills and remember what a loving, caring God you have.

Dealing with Change

When you are dealing with chronic cancer, change is an inevitable part of life with cancer.  Sometimes it is expected, like at the beginning when you have no evidence of disease for the first time.  Other times it is unexpected when the cancer comes back, the treatment doesn't work, or your body just can't handle the drugs that it is being given.

Over the past three years we've dealt with plenty of change in our lives from the initial cancer diagnosis, to a short time in remission to the constant changing of different chemo regiments.  Each change brings its challenges and its blessings.  This time with change I feel like there is more riding on it than ever before.

I met with my gynecological oncologist yesterday.  She gave me a big hug right from the start.  (Yes, I am fortunate to have a relationship with her.) I got the ins and outs of this new trial drug, or parp-inhibitor, (Veliparib or ABT-888) that I will be on. 

So here's what the parp inhibitor does and why it could be effective for me.  All our cells have DNA that need to be repaired.  Cancer cells are no different. Because I have a BRCA mutant gene, that avenue of repair is gone for the cancer cells.  So they use a back door, so to speak, of the protein parp.  The parp inhibitor stops that back door from working and can, in effect, kill the cancer.  That's also why this type of treatment only works for people who have a BRCA mutation.

I start this on Friday.  I will be taking 300mg of this twice a day.  For me that means 6 pills in the morning and 6 pills at night every day for as long as I can handle it.  If I have problems, we can lower the dose and then go back up when I get better.  The best chance I have of this succeeding is with the 300mg dose.  I will also be taking anti-nausea pills before the inhibitor because that is the most common side effect.

Exciting possibilities are definitely here for me, but this science is not perfected.  It works for about 40 percent of people.  Nausea is the most common side effect.  That is a big deal for me since that's what I've been struggling with as of late and what put me in the hospital so many times the beginning of this year.  We already have some hydration scheduled just in case I need it.  Prayerfully I will follow the normal pattern and the nausea will only be around the time I take the inhibitor and after two weeks it will be much better, possibly even gone.  We will also have to watch my blood counts.  The possibility is there that after 6 months my blood counts will just be too low and I will have to stop. 

So we head into this change.  Am I excited?  Yes.  Am I scared?  Absolutely.  In some ways this seems like my last chance since this is what my doctor has been hoping to get me on since I had my recurrence two years ago. 

But as always, God gives us things to remember to trust in Him.  I read some stories today about women who have been on continual treatment for 11-15 years.  It hasn't been easy, but they are still here.  I have also heard from women who have been on this inhibitor that they have gotten their energy back and their cancer has decreased. 

But the best thing God gave me today was a devotion based on Psalm 46.  Here is an excerpt:

"Yes, God is bigger and stronger than all our experiences. He can handle all our difficulties. God has already canceled the sting of our greatest enemy—death. He did it by offering up his one and only Son so that we might live with him forever in his kingdom.

Sometimes it is good that our lives come to a screeching halt. It reminds us that the LORD almighty is our God. And it shows us that he is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

So our family will once again learn to deal with change.  But with that change comes the promise that God is with us at all times.  He has taken care of our biggest problem of sin.  He can easily take care of everything else, in His way, and in His time.

(If you ever have any questions, or anything you would like me to blog about, you can either leave me a comment here or email me at lisarittierodt@gmail.com)

What If My Cancer Becomes Chronic Cancer?

Just over three years ago I was diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer.  It was unexpected, scary and devastating.  But once the surgery was done we were given hope that I would go into long-term remission.  I was young, healthy, and even though it wasn't caught early, my team felt I was one who could beat it.

Just over two years ago, four months after finding No Evidence of Disease (NED), the cancer was back.  While this was hard to hear, we felt that it was found early and once again I could have NED.  That wasn't the case.  Because of my BRCA mutation, and the fact that it was found so quickly, my oncologist termed my cancer as platinum resistant, recurrent, and incurable.  We were now looking at quality of life issues rather than quantity of life issues. 

Just recently I heard a term that is much more tolerable than incurable. Chronic cancer was the term I heard.   Incurable, at least for me at first,  gave me the thought that I was going to die very soon.  But that wasn't the case.   Chronic means that it is ongoing and can be treated, even if it isn't cured. Chronic means that there are options out there that can help you keep your cancer at bay. Chronic means that you can live a full life, even if it isn't as easy as before you had cancer.  There are many chronic diseases out there like diabetes, arthritis and fibromyalgia.  Cancer can be one of them.

So what do you do if you find out your cancer is chronic?  For each person it is different.  Some people, like me, will rely on their oncologist and team to give them the best course of action.  Others will do lots of research finding different methods of treatment or lifestyles (diets, naturopaths) to change their treatment or help their treatment.  Others might just choose to stop treatment depending on their age, how long they've been battling, or just knowing they can't handle any more treatment.  That is what my mom decided to do when she was battling ovarian cancer.  There is no one right answer for everyone.  It has to be what is right for you.

There are some things, however, that I think everyone can do when faced with chronic cancer.

1. Give yourself the right to be sad at times.  We so often hear that we need to stay positive and strong to beat this, we feel like breaking down isn't either of those things.  It's OK to be sad.  It's OK to be scared.  However, if you feel sad all the time, you might have  a chemical imbalance or a vitamin deficiency.  I have been on a calming medication that works for me.  Talk to a doctor or psychiatrist for help.
2. Find an eating plan that is right for you.  Dealing with cancer long-term means your body is going to go through lots of changes.  One that happened to me recently was that all of the sudden I became lactose intolerant.  I have many digestive issues so I'm trying to keep up with my fiber intake and need to take a daily dose of Miralax.  I also need to keep up on my protein intake because of the chemo I am now on, because that just makes me feel better.  It's a juggling act, and at times I feel like I'm always learning something new, but it's something that you can do.  Once again, make sure you talk about any diet changes with your oncologist.
3. Get exercise when you can.  When I first started battling cancer, I was able to do lots of walking.  The more chemos I've been on, the harder it has become.  Another reason is that I got very sick the beginning of this year due to fluid build-up and I couldn't spend much time out of bed.  Even taking a shower put me down for a couple of hours.  I've learned to walk either around the house or outside, depending on what is right for me that day.  None of these walks are long. And, even though I get discouraged at times, I look back and remember where I was just a few short months ago.  And sometimes exercise just means activity.  I can do much more around the house than I was able to.  That not only build up my body, but also my mental state.
4. Rest when you need to.  I think that is one of the hardest things for me because I was always such an active person.  But once again, just like the previous point, I was very sick and I have to remember that my body needs rest.  So I try and rest when my body tells me to.  If I rest each time my body tells me to, then I'm not so tired the next day.  If I don't, there is a good possibility that I will be super tired and not able to do much the next day.
5. Look for the blessings in your life.  Dealing with cancer is hard and at times we get so consumed with cancer we forget to look around us and see all that we have versus what we have lost through cancer.  My palliative care nurse told me to find something tangible that gives me joy every day.  She has flowers that she can smell and see every day and that gives her joy. My joy in general comes from my children.  Once again, it will be different for everyone. 
6. This last one might seem strange, but it's one I've learned over three years of chronic cancer.  Look for blessings that have come from your cancer.  My children and I are much closer as we have gone through the ups and downs of cancer.  My husband and I communicate better.  I never knew how many people truly cared about me until cancer came into our lives.  Would I want to have cancer if I had the choice?  Absolutely not.  But at the same time I wouldn't want to never see the blessings that have come through my cancer.

The things above can help you as you deal with chronic cancer.  But that is not what is going to get you through every up and down that you have.  The only person that will do that is our God.  I've learned and relearned how to rely on Him.  He is the source of my perseverance.  Here is a Bible verse that talks about perseverance.

It can seem strange to see in writing that we can rejoice in our sufferings. Note that it says in our sufferings, not because of our sufferings. Just look at all the things suffering produces -- perseverance, or bearing up under adversity; character, or positive attributes through withstanding tough situations, and hope, or trust and confidence.  God works all these things in us through the hardships that enter our lives, whether it be money struggles, family struggles, health struggles, and even chronic cancer.

And what about that hope, or that trust and confidence.  In all our struggles, we have that hope and confidence that God will take care of us.  Why?  Because He has already taken care of our biggest struggle, our sin.  He did that when He sent His Son to live a perfect life, die on the cross and rise again.  Our sins are forgiven, no matter how great or small we think they are. We now have the hope of going to Heaven.  If our biggest struggle has been taken care of, how can we not say the God can take care of these other ones?

You can deal with chronic cancer, not because of your own power or knowledge, but because of the power and love of our God.  Let Him lead you in all the decisions you have to make.  Let Him build your perseverance, character and hope.  That's how I have been able to deal with this diagnosis, and that's how you will too.