My Race is Almost Run

Running has never been a favorite past-time of mine.  I remember having to run a mile every day in my grade school.  Even during basketball season I could never run the entire mile without stopping.  The distance was always too long.  Now it seems that a lengthy earthly race will also be too long for me.

My oncologist confirmed what Paul and I have been suspecting for the last week.  I am out of options.  I cannot take the oral medication because I won't be able to absorb the benefits because of my g-tube.  Also we will never know if it is the medication that is causing my issues or my digestive tract problems.  She did look quickly to see if there were any trials, but those are very hard to get into even in the best of circumstances.

Paul and I had a very good talk with Dr. Swisher and my nurse, Holly.  They said it was up to me to keep trying different treatments that would be toxic in hopes to extend my life or do something else that would give me a better quality of life.  Either way there is no guarantee in anything. 

For right now my main focus is getting to Disneyland at the end of the month.  The Dream Foundation is working with us and something should be done soon.  We are going either way because our trip is already paid for.  Hopefully they can get us the extra medical support I will need for traveling and for the time at Disney.  We know quite a bit of paperwork has come across my doctor's desk so things are moving forward.

After that I will be going back on Avastin that I was on before.  It took my ascites away and the hope is that it might keep the cancer stable for a time.  Once again, there is no guarantee.

As far as a time line, they really can't give one.  Just like with my mom, all of the sudden things will shut down and then they can say weeks.  What they did say is that it's not weeks but it's not years.  I asked about my family reunion in July and both my doctor and my nurse said that it's unlikely that I will be able to travel then.  They did say that it could be different in two to three months when they see how things are going on the Avastin.  We will cross that bridge with the rest of the family when we come to it. 

We told the kids on Monday.  Please pray for them.  It's not easy hearing that your mom will be going home to Heaven before you are even close to being an adult.  They all reacted differently, but how we expected them to.  Melanie chose to stay home with me yesterday where the boys decided to go to school.  Pray for Melanie as she sees her friends and lets them know.  That is going to be hard for her.  Pray for the boys as they process things in their own way.  Pray for them to open up when they need to.

Please pray for Paul.  He already is doing the jobs of both parents since I am quite limited.  He's getting tired and is always in need of help with rides or things around the house.  We appreciate any help people can give us.

As I have been pondering the past few days, the verse Melanie chose as her confirmation verse kept running through my mind.

    Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.  I Corinthians 9:24

For a long time I have pictured this race as something like this:

 

Like I said before, I've never liked running. My thought of this verse was the hard pounding running people need to do to train.  And honestly, that is part of our spiritual running, isn't it?  We have to pound away, constantly learning, constantly training to keep God's Word so embedded in our hearts that nothing can penetrate it. 

But now, I'm looking at this verse like this:

 

This is a painting Melanie's first grade teacher, Rachel Tacke, made for her confirmation.  It's based on 1 Corinthians 9:24.  I love this because it's a child.  A child just keeps running because that's what children do.  That child-like faith knows they are going to get to the goal, and the goal will be wonderful.  There is no hardship, but there is urgency.  There is no wondering, yet there is expectation.  There is no angst, just joy.

So as I finsih my race, I am going to be running with the child-like faith shown here.  I know I am running to an amazing place.  The last part of this race won't be easy, but the reward will be amazing.

 

Running the Race

Our family has really been enjoying the Olympics this year.  It's amazing to see how dedicated these people are to their training and to their sport.  Win or loose, their dedication is inspiring.


It got me thinking about my journey with cancer.  It really is like a race, and even more like a marathon.  It's not something you can sprint through.  You put one foot in front of the other and keep going.  Some parts of the race are easier while others are much harder.  But to get to the finish line you just keep going.  Win or loose, you just need to get there.


With cancer there are many ways of looking at if you are winning or loosing.  It all depends on where you are in your treatment and what you are hoping for.  For most winning will mean being in remission.  For others like myself, winning means having a good quality of life.  That's what I've been praying for and that is what God has granted me this last month with more energy.  


One month ago I started a clinical trial with the drug veliparib, a parp inhibitor.  Our goal with this was truly to have a better quality of life.  Anything else we always felt would be an extra blessing from God.  Well, He in His infinite wisdom and mercy decided to give us an extra blessing. 
After one month I got my first cancer number back today. It is 500!!!! It had been somewhere between 1300 and 1400 just one short month ago. All I can do is give God the glory!!

When I think back to May when my oncologist suggested this, and then how quickly it came about that I was able to be put on a drug trial, I can only say that this was all in God's control. He had this worked out years ago when we started this journey. He knew I was going to need to be more active so I could help my son with his broken ankle. He knew that through this I could share His awesome power. He knew that this was a time where we needed to see something more tangible in how He is taking care of us. What more can I say but THANK YOU GOD!!

But back to the race.  Yes, my life with cancer is a race with ups and downs.  I just keep pressing forward to the goal of remission.  But really our entire life is a race.  Here's what the Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians:

While I would love the prize of remission, there is a bigger prize that I want even more.  I want the prize of Heaven.  Praise be to God that He has given us this prize not by anything that we have done or might be able to do.  We would never measure up by doing it ourselves.  We have only received this prize through the life, death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.  I am going to run the race God has given me always pressing toward the goal of Heaven.  I can do this by surrounding myself daily with His Word and His promises.  I can be strengthened by receiving His body and blood in communion.  Because of His grace and mercy I will be in Heaven some day.  Even if I never reach the goal of remission, I am still a winner because I am a winner in Christ.

What happens after this is all in God's control. If this is where my number stays that's His plan. If it continues to drop, it's His plan. If it goes up, it's His plan.  We continue to know like it say in Proverbs, 

We will continue to bask in this wonderful news. We will continue to pray boldly to ask for healing.  But no matter what happens, I am a winner in Christ Jesus.