You Just Never Know...

"Knowledge is power!"  I don't remember where I heard that for the first time.  I'm pretty sure it was part of a children's program I watched as a child.  It makes sense.  The more you know, the more you can cope, adjust and learn.  We pursue knowledge so we can make better choices.  We pursue knowledge so we can do better at our jobs.  We pursue knowledge to learn more about the hobbies we enjoy.  

But as much as we try to gain more knowledge, there are some things we will just never know.  Whether it's because we can't find the answer or because it's just not something we truly will never understand, we will never know everything.  I'm here to tell you that there are times where that is a wonderful thing.

A little over a year ago I started a new medication called a PARP inhibitor.  I was very sick and chemo wasn't working anymore.  My oncologist was able to get this medication for me in hopes that it would just help me feel better and give me a little of my life back.  That was the knowledge we had and hope for.  Guess what?  God had so much more to show me and my family.  Here is what happened this year.

• My cancer number, or CA-125 dropped from around 1350 to 46.  While I'm not yet cancer-free, my disease is stable or shrinking.  I never knew I would be thankful for stable disease.
• My energy has returned.  While I'm still not where I was before cancer, I am able to do more with my family again. I was able to get to most of my children's sports events and other activities.  I never knew I would be thankful for bleacher butt.
• I am able to be a wife and a mother again.  I'm cooking again and finding so many new recipes to try.  We don't have to rely on others to bring us food or help with household chores.  I never knew that I would be happy to clean bathrooms.

But there are even more amazing things that God has shown me this year.  I can stand here today and say I am a walking miracle.  There are others that have been on this same medication and the success hasn't been as great.  It starts of well, and as quickly as it starts working it stops working.  I'm still on this medication a year later with my disease shrinking and my body is functioning well.  Often times with the mutation I have there is another mutation that goes along with it which stops the PARP inhibitor from working.  (This is something that was just recently discovered.)  It looks like, because I have been on this for so long, that I don't have that mutation.  I can only praise God for this.  He has made me a walking miracle!  I never knew I would be given a blessing like that.

God has blessed me in more ways than I can count through this cancer.  I've been able to witness to many, help others through their journeys, and I have been given countless reminders of how God has my whole life in control.  He has a better plan than I could ever dream up.  It makes me love this passage even more:

It also reminds me of this passage :

There have been so many times through the past four years where I have been reminded of this passage.  Knowledge and logic would say that these fires and waters I've had to pass through should have driven me into despair and farther from God.  Questions like "How could God do this to a good person?" or "Is God really there if He's allowing me to suffer like this?"  should have turned me away from God.  But they didn't!  God carried me!  He uplifted me!  He protected me!  Why?  Because He loves me and He wants me to be with Him in Heaven.  He loves me so much that no matter what comes my way, He is going to make sure that I can be confident of His promises to care for me and take me home with Him to Heaven.  That's why I love this next passage even more:

So, you truly just never know what God has in store for you.  No matter what struggles you, or your friends, or your family, or your acquaintances are going through, God is going to work it out better than we could ever imagine.  I'm glad there were so many things I didn't know, because God has given me even bigger gifts because of it.

I Took A Break

I got a Christmas Card from a family member this week that said they figured I was fine since I hadn't posted in a long time. Well, the reason behind that is not because things were bad but because things were so good I took a break.

 

When I think back to a year ago, I kind of knew something was wrong but didn't know what. I said to my husband that 2012 was not going to be a good year. Obviously the first half wasn't with many hospital trips and not having the energy to do much of anything. I think back to the times I had to rest up for days just so I could get to my children's important events. All of that doesn't even seem real anymore with the way I am feeling now.

My CA-125 has dropped from 1300 plus to 55. I took a break because I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off getting to all my children's activities. Since July I've been able to help coach my daughter's volleyball team for three tournaments, get to most of my children's games, run around to numerous doctor's appointments for my son, start cooking again for my family and many more things that I can't even fathom. I'm playing for church again and leading our Sunday School in singing. The miracle God has worked in me is amazing. And even though I have my first cold in three years, I can't stop smiling because of all God has done for my family.

So I took a break from writing and blogging. I'm hoping to get back to it again as God sees fit. I guess we all need breaks at times to refocus or just slow down. Even through cancer treatments there are times we need breaks even though we know the cancer is still in our bodies.

But I'm so glad on this Christmas Eve that God never took a break from us. He had every right to since we are all horrible sinners and don't follow his commands perfectly. But He didn't. He made sure every part of His plan was in place so we could be home in Heaven with him someday. He made sure that one night a tiny baby boy would be born to save the world. 

Then that tiny baby boy lived a perfect life, never taking a break from perfection.
 
And finally that baby boy who grew into a man walked right into the hands of his enemies knowing full-well that he was going to die. And because of his death and resurrection we now have the confidence of having eternal life with him.





May the God of peace and love shower you with His peace and love this Christmas season. May you always know that He never takes a break from loving you or keeping you close to Him. And during Christmas may your joy first come from the greatest gift of all, the birth of your Savior.
Merry Christmas!

When Miracles Happen

Have you ever hoped for a miracle?  I always thought about all those miracles performed in the Bible and thought, "Wouldn't it be cool if I saw something like that?"  I'm here to tell you today that God is working a miracle in me.

A short month ago I told you how my new treatment was working so well.  Last week Thursday I got a call from my oncologist.  Now understand, she rarely calls me and it's usually due to something we have to change in our treatment.  That wasn't the case this time.  She just had to call because she was so excited.  If you remember, last time my Ca-125 dropped from 1300+ to 500.  Well, it dropped again, this time to 192.  It hasn't been that low since April of 2011.  She just can't believe the results we are getting from this drug. Neither can her team because they had to call me early Friday morning because they were also very excited.

From a human standpoint, it's easy to see why this looks so unbelievable.  We got this drug faster than anyone is normally supposed to get it.  It's working better than anyone expected.  I have energy and stamina like I haven't had in years.  How can this be explained?

But I know.  It's God and all God.  The God who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and everywhere is the one who had this plan worked out for me before the world was created.  He knew I was going to need more strength to help my son with his broken ankle.  He knew that it was time for me to be more involved with my family.  He knew it was time for me to see His awesome power. 

Join me today in praising our God and Savior for the physical miracle he is working in me.  But also join me in praising God for the miracle He has worked in you -- that is the miracle of your faith.  We know that He worked that miracle in you because of of this verse in Ephesians:

 

We are all miracles because of God's grace working faith in our hearts.  We can thank God for miracles every day.  To God be the Glory!