Why I Don't Give Up

"That's it!  I give up!"  That's a statement that I've heard my children say from time to time.  When they were younger it might have been about a game they just couldn't win.  As they got older it was more often than not about homework.  And as they continue to mature, I'm sure there will be times where they will want to give up again, and they just might have a right to do so.  But it is my job to encourage them to keep going, to push through, not because they might just get it, but because they will learn from the struggle.

Five years ago on May 28th I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  Sometimes it's hard to believe that it's been that long.  Other times it seems like an eternity.  When I was diagnosed giving up was not even in my vocabulary.  We were going to hit the cancer hard, get into remission, hit the 5 year mark free of cancer, and then feel like the worst was behind us.  There just wasn't any other option, so the thought of giving up never even entered my mind.

Since then, I've thought about giving up.  There have been times where Ive been so tired that I just don't want to be tired anymore.  There have been  times I have felt so sick that I thought I wasn't going to make it another couple of months.  I have dealt with drug withdrawals, neuropathy, surgeries, intense pain and depression.  I've been ready to give up and stop treatment.  Heaven seems much more appealing.

Yet I haven't given up.  Some of you might be thinking it's because of my family.  Honestly, that is only a very small part of why I don't give up.  The real reason I don't give up is because God hasn't let me know that it's time for me to give up.  I think he has more to teach me.

Max Lucado says it this way:

 "No, we don't give up.  We look up.

   We trust.    We believe.

   And our optimism in not hollow.

   Christ has proven worthy.

   He has shown that He never fails.

   That's what makes God, God."

My favorite line is "our optimism is not hollow".  At one point my optimism focused on my healing.  My optimism doesn't lie there any more, not because it's not possible, but because it's not necessary.  My healing is not dependent upon how much God loves me.  He proved His love for me long ago when He sent Jesus, His son, to die for me.  My healing doesn't correlate with how much I love God.  I love God because He has already saved me from my spiritual cancer.  My optimism now focuses on all the amazing things God has done for me from the beginning of time to my death and finally at my resurrection.  It's not hollow because Heaven will happen.  It's not hollow because I will rise again.  It's not hollow because my sins are forgiven.  It's not hollow because He has shown me countless times over the past five years how much He really does love me.  There is no doubt, just perfect hope.
Since He's taught me that over the past five years, I wonder what He has in store for me next.

Over the weekend I was given an amazing gift by one brother's family.  It was this bonsai tree.

The unique thing about this tree is that it was started 5 years ago on May 28th.  The same day I found out I had cancer and stared death in the face for the first time, this tree started it's life.  In some ways it's my own personal tree of life which I now get to look at every day.

This tree got me thinking about the Tree of Life in the Bible.  We all know about the one in Genesis that God placed in the Garden of Eden for Adam and Eve.  But we forget about the Tree of Life that is mentioned in Revelation.  The Tree of Life is in Heaven, the place where our paradise we lost is now restored.  Revelation 22:14 says "Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city."  Because of what Jesus has done for us, our robes are clean by His blood.  We now have the right to this Tree of Life.  We will be in Heaven forever.  

So why don't I give up?  It's not because I know I will be healed.  There is no guarantee in that. It's not because I need to be here for my family.  God will take care of them if it's time for me to go home. I don't give up because God will never, ever fail me.  I don't give up because He will lead me through whatever comes my way.  I don't give up because my God will take me home to live with Him forever.  That's why I don't give up.  That's why none of us ever need to give up.

An Added Blessing

I've talked about blessings that have come from this cancer before, but I wanted to share a special gift that God gave me this week.

Last week I entered a contest to meet Laura Story, the singer of the song "Blessings".  I entered the contest, yes because I was hoping to get the chance, but more because I wanted to share my story with others how God really does bless you through trials and tears.

On Monday, July 29, 2013, the radio station called me telling me that I had won!  I couldn't believe it!  So on Wednesday, July 31, 2013, I get to be with a small group of people who meet Laura Story and get to see her concert live.  What a chance God has given me!  I found out that there will be others there who are struggling with cancer right now.  I'm so thankful God has given me the chance to witness to them.  Please pray with me that God uses me in an amazing way that only He can.

And, if you want to watch this live, you can through this link:
http://www.spirit1053.com/spirit-updates/2013/07/18/livestream-with-laura-story

I don't know if I will be on screen or not, but my daughter and I will be there.

To God be the  Glory!

You Just Never Know...

"Knowledge is power!"  I don't remember where I heard that for the first time.  I'm pretty sure it was part of a children's program I watched as a child.  It makes sense.  The more you know, the more you can cope, adjust and learn.  We pursue knowledge so we can make better choices.  We pursue knowledge so we can do better at our jobs.  We pursue knowledge to learn more about the hobbies we enjoy.  

But as much as we try to gain more knowledge, there are some things we will just never know.  Whether it's because we can't find the answer or because it's just not something we truly will never understand, we will never know everything.  I'm here to tell you that there are times where that is a wonderful thing.

A little over a year ago I started a new medication called a PARP inhibitor.  I was very sick and chemo wasn't working anymore.  My oncologist was able to get this medication for me in hopes that it would just help me feel better and give me a little of my life back.  That was the knowledge we had and hope for.  Guess what?  God had so much more to show me and my family.  Here is what happened this year.

• My cancer number, or CA-125 dropped from around 1350 to 46.  While I'm not yet cancer-free, my disease is stable or shrinking.  I never knew I would be thankful for stable disease.
• My energy has returned.  While I'm still not where I was before cancer, I am able to do more with my family again. I was able to get to most of my children's sports events and other activities.  I never knew I would be thankful for bleacher butt.
• I am able to be a wife and a mother again.  I'm cooking again and finding so many new recipes to try.  We don't have to rely on others to bring us food or help with household chores.  I never knew that I would be happy to clean bathrooms.

But there are even more amazing things that God has shown me this year.  I can stand here today and say I am a walking miracle.  There are others that have been on this same medication and the success hasn't been as great.  It starts of well, and as quickly as it starts working it stops working.  I'm still on this medication a year later with my disease shrinking and my body is functioning well.  Often times with the mutation I have there is another mutation that goes along with it which stops the PARP inhibitor from working.  (This is something that was just recently discovered.)  It looks like, because I have been on this for so long, that I don't have that mutation.  I can only praise God for this.  He has made me a walking miracle!  I never knew I would be given a blessing like that.

God has blessed me in more ways than I can count through this cancer.  I've been able to witness to many, help others through their journeys, and I have been given countless reminders of how God has my whole life in control.  He has a better plan than I could ever dream up.  It makes me love this passage even more:

It also reminds me of this passage :

There have been so many times through the past four years where I have been reminded of this passage.  Knowledge and logic would say that these fires and waters I've had to pass through should have driven me into despair and farther from God.  Questions like "How could God do this to a good person?" or "Is God really there if He's allowing me to suffer like this?"  should have turned me away from God.  But they didn't!  God carried me!  He uplifted me!  He protected me!  Why?  Because He loves me and He wants me to be with Him in Heaven.  He loves me so much that no matter what comes my way, He is going to make sure that I can be confident of His promises to care for me and take me home with Him to Heaven.  That's why I love this next passage even more:

So, you truly just never know what God has in store for you.  No matter what struggles you, or your friends, or your family, or your acquaintances are going through, God is going to work it out better than we could ever imagine.  I'm glad there were so many things I didn't know, because God has given me even bigger gifts because of it.

Prayers Answered Yes

We have a wonderful God at all times.  At times He chooses to withhold what we think we need to have a better life.  At times he chooses to strengthen us through trials and struggles.  And other times He gives us the desires of our hearts. 

I had my latest blood draw on Wednesday.  By this time I was pretty sure that my number had gone up again.  There was no specific reason since I was feeling fine, just "mom-tired" from all the running around we have been doing.  So yesterday when I got my results, we got a great yes answer from God.  My number went down to 53!  Yes, it's only 5 points, but it was the desire of my heart and what we have all been praying for all month.  This now shows for sure that I have stable disease and this medication is working as a maintenance treatment.

Now God has been gracious again in another way.  The dosage of the PARP inhibitor has been increased.  I am now getting what they consider the best therapeutic dose to get. I've never really heard the word remission or no evidence of disease thrown around, but we know God can do anything with what man uses so I do look at that as a possibility.  The bigger beauty of the higher dose is that it gives me more wiggle room in case I start having problems in my blood counts.  I can go on a lower dose for a while and then they can slowly raise it up again.  This also gives me a better chance of staying on this drug long term.  And since I am tolerating it very well so far, the higher dose shouldn't be a problem.  There is a good chance I will have some nausea issues initially as my body gets used to a higher dose, but I'm confident with God's help that will fade away with time.

I have been reflecting this past week because it's my daughter's last year of being in our big basketball tournament, the Jr. Eagle Classic.  It's hard to believe, still, that my daughter will be in high school in a few short months.  But I've been reflecting more because of where I was last year at this time.  I had to rest for three days just to make sure I could get to the tournament to watch her play, and then it was finding every chance to rest that I could.  I looked at a picture of myself after her team won the championship game.  I was surprised that even though I was extremely happy, I looked sick.  This year, I painted our huge bathroom on Monday, ran around on Tuesday and Wednesday, didn't sleep well on Thursday, and am still not having any problems getting to the tournament, thoroughly enjoying myself, and getting to run around and talk to so many people.  What a difference a year makes in God's plan for us!

As I was talking with a friend yesterday, she reminded me of something I had heard before.  It came from Pastor Jeske at Time of Grace Ministry.  He said, God doesn't have a Plan B!  How true that is! There is a reason it says in Proverbs 19:21

God has had this planned out for me and my family all along.  The bumps and trials along the way are just his way of refining us so we stay close to Him.  His ultimate goal is to get us to Heaven.  He knows the best way to do that. It might not always be easy, but it is the best way.

So now we rejoice in God's great goodness that He has answered our prayers this time with a yes.  We will continue to pray that He uses this instrument of man to ultimately heal me, but at the very least to keep my disease stable.  But even more so we will continue to rely on His plan for us.  His way is the best way!

The Joy Dare ~ January 16 - 31

January 16 ~ 3 Witnessed Blessings

• Last night I was able to start going to my support group again at Gilda's Club.  What a wonderful night it was! We had three more women join us who needed support as much as we did.  What a blessing from God to be able to connect with people face to face who are dealing with the same disease  I am.
• Yesterday I also witnessed the blessing of my family once again as we sat around the dinner table.  I know I've been thankful for this before, but these times are so precious to me.  The laughter and conversation are things I will always treasure.
• This last one is years in the making.  Facebook has been a wonderful blessing in my life because of all the people I have been able to reconnect with and also stay in touch with them.  Some of my greatest blessings on there are the students I taught and how so many of them have the Lord in their life. 

January 17~ A Gift Bringing Laughter, Prayer, Quiet

• I just had a conversation with my oncology nurse.  Normally you wouldn't think that something like that would bring laughter, especially since it had nothing to do with my treatment.  But when you've had a relationship with someone for four years, even though it's on a clinical basis, they really do become your friend.  I laughed, really in awe, because I found out that I'm somewhat of a celebrity at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance.  My oncologist has been using my story to show the success of what has been working so well for me.  I was in a newsletter, which I knew about, but I also found out that she's been sharing my story at different conferences.  My nurse jokingly said that I hope no one stops you on the street because I might feel like Kim Kardashian or something. Thank you God for the amazing staff you have provided for me!
• Most mornings I get up at least an hour before my children do so I can spend some quiet time in devotion and Bible reading.  I treasure that time of quiet before the busy day starts.  It helps me keep my focus on God throughout the day.
• My prayer life has definitely been leading me to keep trusting God.  Each oncology visit always brings some anxiety.  Is the treatment still working?  What if I have to go back on chemo?  Am I having a side effect from the drug or am I just getting older?  Learning to trust God once again is something I need to pray for every day.

 (I have gotten behind not because I have forgotten to do this, but because I haven't had the time to sit and blog.  The 18th through the 21 were written in one day.)

January 18 ~  Three Gifts from God's Word
Proverbs 3:5-6 

 

Isaiah 53:4-5

Romans 5: 3-5

January 19 ~ Three Gifts that Might Never Have Been

• My daughter might never have been born.  You see, we lost our first child to a miscarriage at 12 weeks.  We were devastated.  But one month after we lost our first daughter, God blessed us by letting us conceive another.  Now we have one daughter at home in Heaven, and one daughter here with us. 
• When I look at my family, I realize they might never have been here.  I was not enthralled with my husband when I first met him.  I was dating someone else and he just kept hanging around.  We did have some of the same friends and we got together, but he was shorter than me and I just didn't want anything to do with him.  But God knew better.  There were some hard circumstances in my life and he was there when no one else could be.  4 months after we started dating we got engaged.  1 year and 8 days after we started dating we were married.  2 years to the day we started dating we had our first child.  Once again, God knew what He was doing.
• When I look back to last year at this time, things were going down hill fast as far as my health went.  By this time last year I had already been admitted to the hospital once, and had no idea I would need an ambulance ride for another one.  Now, because of a small miracle, God made sure all the right things were in place for me to get a PARP inhibitor to give me and my family a more normal life again.  To God be the Glory!

  January 20 ~ Three Gifts Only Seen Close Up

• Snowflakes amaze me because each one is different.  They also amaze me when I realize that they are created by a frozen microscopic droplet of water, and then because of weather conditions they make these amazing shapes as they fall through the atmosphere.  What beauty in such a small package.   

• This is a magnified sample of sand from the Gobi Desert.  When you realize that soft, warm substance you love to walk in on the beach is actually crushed rocks, it's amazing to think how God works.  And when you have a chance to look at this closely, you see how beautiful it really is.

• One of the most peaceful things I love to look at is a sleeping baby.  But I don't think you can truly realize how peaceful a sleeping baby can be until you look at one closely in your arms.  They are beyond content, trusting that they will wake and someone will be there to care for them.  The sleep is not restless or fitful, but truly renewing.  Sleep in Heavenly Peace!

January 21 ~ A Gift in Sky, in Water, in Memory

• Being from the Pacific Northwest, we get to see quite a few rainbows, especially in the spring.  We regularly get them above our home.  They are always a wonderful reminder of how our God is watching over us and protecting us, and also it reminds us that He will never break a promise He has made.
• My water gift is an odd one because it's our cat's paw.  We have a funny cat, Izzy.  He is truly a scaredy cat, jumping at the slightest noise.  One thing he does that always amuses our guests is to drink out of his water bowl with his paw.  He will only drink if he sticks his paw in the water and laps it off of his paw.  He will never put his face in the bowl.  Is he too scared to get his face wet?  Knowing this cat, he probably is.

• My Mom, or Grandma Judy, died from ovarian cancer 10 years ago.  These were the only grandchildren she got to know -- 4 out of the 18 that are here.  She gets to be with two of them in Heaven.  When I think back to all the love she showed her grandchildren, it makes me smile.  It also makes me smile when I remember how she kept bugging us to get married so she could have grandchildren.  And then she got four in three years.  She could never get enough of her grandchildren, and I will be forever grateful that my daughter had a chance to know her.  We can't wait to see you again!

January 22 ~ A Gift Wrinkled, Smoothed, Unfolded

 

•   When I think of something wrinkled, I think of my mom and grandmother's hands.  They were wrinkled but beautiful.  Their hands worked tirelessly in the kitchen, in mending and in cleaning.  But they were also great for hugs.  But I know the thing I loved most about those hands is that they turned the pages of their Bibles, and they folded them in prayer.  To their last hour they knew they were in God's hands.  Now their hands, whether they are wrinkled or smooth, are praising their Father in Heaven.

• I remember taking out my wedding dress on the day of my wedding and smoothing the front before I saw my husband that day.  That was such an exciting day, seeing each other in our wedding attire for the first time.  We had no idea that our lives were going to be so bumpy, so wrinkled with trials.  But just like my dress, God has smoothed out our paths when we stumble.  He is just bringing us closer to Him.

 

• Letters for the most part are a thing of the past.  We have gone to emails, instant messages, texts and video chat.  But there was always something about unfolding a letter or a note that brought excitement.  You never knew what was going to be said or what you were going to learn.  Most of the time the news was wonderful.  Last year during my hard months I received an actual letter, written over a week, from one of my daughter's grade school teachers.  I think I re-read that letter at least 10 times because it was such a foreign concept to receive one.  What a wonderful blessing from God!

January 19 ~ Three Gifts Found in Christ
How in the world could you only find three gifts today?  I could write an entire book on the gifts found in Christ, and I'm sure some people have.  My first thought went to one of my favorite songs that has become an Easter favorite, In Christ Alone.  If you've never heard this song before, please click on the link to listen to and see an amazing video based on the song.

So to complete my Joy Dare today, I'm going to use the first verse of the song and link them to Bible passages that show just how much Christ has given us.

• In Christ alone my hope is found  ~ 1 Peter 1:3-4  ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴ and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you

• He is my light, ~ John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

• my strength ~ Philippians 4:13 ~ I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

• my song ~ Colossians 3:16 ~ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

• This Cornerstone, this solid ground ~ Psalm 95:1 Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
      let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.

• Firm through the fiercest drought and storm ~ Psalm 46:1-3        

God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging

• What heights of love, ~ John 3:16  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

•  what depths of peace ~ Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

• When fears are stilled, when strivings cease ~  Isaiah 41:10   So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand                                                   

• My Comforter, ~ John 14: 1-3 Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

•  my All in All ~ Ephesians 3: 20-21  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

• Here in the love of Christ I stand ~ Ephesians 3: 17b - 19 And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Oh boy, am I behind again.  But I think I have a better excuse this time : the icky norovirus.   Finally feeling somewhat normal after 3 days.  I did have things written down through the 27th.  So here goes my thankfulness....

January 24 ~ Three things blue

• My daughter's eyes.  From the moment she was born she had her eyes wide open ( no that is not an exaggeration) and they were very blue.  She could not stop looking around.  Today I love looking in her eyes and seeing those beautiful blues filled with compassion for others and full of God's love.
• When my boys were young they used to love yogurt.  We would set them up in their highchairs and they would devour their yogurt.  Many people have pictures of that first birthday cake, well we have pictures of yogurt boys.  Blue yogurt was their favorite, and they have it all over their faces and in their hair to prove it.

• We had blue sky today, just a peek, after being in an inversion that left our area very cold and foggy.  It was so strange to have the mountains and the coast with warmer temperatures that we had.  But with that peek of blue sky today, it was a reminder of God's unending love. 

 January 25 ~ A Grace Borrowed, Found, Inherited

• We have been the fortunate recipients of musical instruments.  Between my three children we have piano, flute, trumpet and trombone playing in our house.  Some days it's crazy, but most days it's wonderful, especially as they are all starting to play for chapel.  We couldn't have afforded these instruments outright.  But we were able to borrow all of them.  Some have turned into permanent fixtures in our home, and we are grateful for all of them.
• I think some of my best graces that I have found have been in my friends.  Many have been found "by accident."  I think back to the time I met my closest friend in college.  I had locked myself out of my room and that was the first time we really met.  I'm so glad she looked over my not so wonderful language at the time and looked at what I was really like.  Not a day goes by that I don't wish we lived closer, and I also know she will be there whenever I need her.
• My favorite inherited gift has to be my love for music.  I know I've mentioned it before, but I can look back at all the times we sang as a family, practiced our many instruments(which we often hated) and the times we made beautiful music together and be thankful.  I'm so glad I get to pass that on to my children who each in their own way have a love for some type of music.  May they use that love to serve God in some way.

January 26 ~ A Gift Before Dawn, At Noon, After Dark

• I was actually up early this morning, which I wasn't happy about at the time.  But then I had the quiet time I needed to get ready for my day.  I had a chance to sit and study God's Word, have some prayer time and a little quiet time before the chaos of the day started.  We might not always agree with what God gives us, but we can always see that what He gives is what is best for us.
• At noon I was actually together with my family.  Considering we are in the midst of basketball season and we had to get to a game that evening, I treasured that time.  Yes it was a little stressful because we were working on some big school projects that were coming up, but we were together.
• I know I don't always show my husband how much I appreciate all he does.  But he was a wonderful support today.  Once we got home after a long day of projects and basketball games, he jumped right in to help get the kids focused for bed, and then he rubbed my aching legs.  He was also very patient with me because I was having a few anxious moments due to some medication I was on.  I love you, Paul!  I'm sorry I never show you enough.

January 27 ~ Three Gifts in the Kitchen

• About three years ago I got my first Kitchen Aid stand mixer.  We never had one growing up so I never understood it's usefulness. Since I have been feeling better we actually put it out on the counter so I could have it more easily accessible.  It was one of the best moves and purchases we made.  I love using it at least once a week to make things for my family.   

 

• I love my kitchen table.  We looked for one for three years before we were able to find one we liked.  It is an old country style table and chairs that is solid and won't fall apart.  It can expand when we have guests over.  This year we hosted Thanksgiving at our house.  It was one of the best dinners we have ever had because of the people that surrounded our table.  I can also think back to the many times we've played games with friends and family, had meals, or just sat around and talked.  I remember the times that friends came over and brought meals during my early years with the twins and then while I was on chemo.  If that table could talk, it would have so many ways to shout out the praises of what God is doing through His people.

 

• We have a full pantry.  Sometimes it's a bit overflowing because I can be a coupon nut and stockpile some things when I can, but it's always full with foods we can eat.  May we never take for granted the food God has given us, and may we never have to go without.

 

January 28 ~ Three Graces Found in Friends

I've learned over the last three years how important friends can be.  Yes they are the ones who make you laugh and listen to your complaints, but they are so much more.  Here are just a few things friends have done for me over the past three years.

• Become an amazing group of prayer warriors
• Brought meals
• Called
• Texted
• Sent cards
• Sent gifts
• Sent flowers
• Cleaned my house
• Taken me to chemo appointments
• Watched my children when I was in the hospital
• Taken my children to and from sporting events
• Fixed our window screens
• Weeded our yard
• Mowed our lawn
• Sent us on amazing trips 
• Gave my children extreme room makeovers

  I look at these things and it brings me to tears.  These people did this not for anything in return, but because of their love for their Savior.  

 

January 29 ~ A Song Heard, A Soft Word, Light Seen

• One of the songs that still reaches me today is called Finally Home by Mercy Me.  I heard this a few years after my mom went home to Heaven.  It reminded me once again of what I have to look forward to when I get Home.
• I was sicker than a dog today with the flu.  My daughter was home with me because she had it as well.  My poor boys had to stay away from me and constantly wash their hands in hopes that they wouldn't get it.  (So far, so good.)  But when one spoke softly that he just wanted to give me a hug, it broke my heart.  I promised him he could hug me all he wanted when I got better.
• The light at the end of the tunnel was seen for my daughter when she was able to eat dinner.  That showed me that my light would be coming soon since I was a day behind her in my sickness.  And it also reminded me that even with my cancer, I can get through a flu bug without having to go to the hospital.  God is so good!

January 30 ~ Three Old Things Seen New

• Every day the Scripture brings something new.  Every time you read it something will speak to you.  Some days things will jump out at you.  The one I remember most recently at really jumping out at me was this verse from John 21:25. " Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written"  I had never thought about that before.  We hear of so many miracles he did that I never thought about the ones He did that we didn't know about.  It's just another reason I can't wait to finally meet Him face to face.

• I have some old pictures that were in my grandparents house.  I remember them on the dining room wall.  They bring such good memories because we would sit around that table for meal but also for playing many games.  Now they are in my house, in my kitchen.  While the new place makes them look a little different, I hope the memories that my children have of those pictures will be just as lovely. 

 

• I also have an old cabbage cutting board that once belonged to my great grandmother.  It was in my parents home, and now it is in mine.  Once again it brings up memories of loving, fun times.  What was once used as a tool for dinner is now one that creates memories of times around the dinner table. 

January 31 ~ A Gift on Paper, in a Person, in a Picture

• My mom went home to Heaven over 10 years ago.  It has gotten harder to remember her voice, her laugh and her touch.  But one thing I will be forever grateful for is having a few things that she wrote.  One is a letter she wrote to my daughter when she was not even three.  My daughter still treasures that letter.  Another thing I have is the Bible passages she wrote down on note cards when  she was battling ovarian cancer.  There have been so many times where I have looked at them and gotten strength in their words.  She used those for comfort, and I am now able to use them as well.  One day they will get passed down to my daughter as another tangible way of how much God loves us.

 

• How can I just pick one person that has shown me so much love?  I have too many friends who have helped me in person, through prayer, or online that I can't pick just one.  Just know that you are always going to be lifted up in prayers of thankfulness for the things you have done.  Even if you think it was just small, it was big.
• When we found out the cancer came back after only three months of remission, people rallied around us with help and with gifts.  Some of those were pictures.  Once again when I was struggling last year more gifts came.  One that has become a focal point of our home is this picture based on Isaiah 49:15-16

 

         Knowing that God has us engraved on the palms of His hand reminds us every day that He is 

          really looking out for our best interests.  He will never, ever forget us or the promises He made

         to us.  That is the best comfort anyone can have in any circumstance.

 

When Miracles Happen

Have you ever hoped for a miracle?  I always thought about all those miracles performed in the Bible and thought, "Wouldn't it be cool if I saw something like that?"  I'm here to tell you today that God is working a miracle in me.

A short month ago I told you how my new treatment was working so well.  Last week Thursday I got a call from my oncologist.  Now understand, she rarely calls me and it's usually due to something we have to change in our treatment.  That wasn't the case this time.  She just had to call because she was so excited.  If you remember, last time my Ca-125 dropped from 1300+ to 500.  Well, it dropped again, this time to 192.  It hasn't been that low since April of 2011.  She just can't believe the results we are getting from this drug. Neither can her team because they had to call me early Friday morning because they were also very excited.

From a human standpoint, it's easy to see why this looks so unbelievable.  We got this drug faster than anyone is normally supposed to get it.  It's working better than anyone expected.  I have energy and stamina like I haven't had in years.  How can this be explained?

But I know.  It's God and all God.  The God who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and everywhere is the one who had this plan worked out for me before the world was created.  He knew I was going to need more strength to help my son with his broken ankle.  He knew that it was time for me to be more involved with my family.  He knew it was time for me to see His awesome power. 

Join me today in praising our God and Savior for the physical miracle he is working in me.  But also join me in praising God for the miracle He has worked in you -- that is the miracle of your faith.  We know that He worked that miracle in you because of of this verse in Ephesians:

 

We are all miracles because of God's grace working faith in our hearts.  We can thank God for miracles every day.  To God be the Glory!

Why I'm Blogging

Three years ago, on May 28, 2009,  I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  I was only 39 at the time.  I'm still fighting this disease.  On my three year anniversary I decided that I wanted to start a blog to show others how it has been possible to walk with cancer all this time.  It is because God is walking with me. 


This will be an honest blog about the ups and downs that I have had and will continue to have.  But through it all I hope to show you my loving God and all He has done for me.