I had a CT scan last week Wednesday and then saw a clinic physicians assistant on Friday. The CT scan looked good. All the spots they are watching are still shrinking. The fluid that had been collecting last year that made me so sick is almost gone. I'm still feeling good and I'm easily able to keep up with all my children's activities. But there is one nagging things that showed up.
My cancer number went up three points. Now when it's dropped over 1200 since last year, it truly is not a big deal from a medical standpoint. It's considered stable disease especially with the results of the CT scan. But it hasn't dropped again in two months. And when you've spent almost four years playing the numbers game with your cancer number, it's hard not to let a little upturn get you thinking...too much.
I ask that you commit to praying for me daily in this way: that my cancer number starts to go down again. I know there are those of you who are still continuing to pray for me every day, and that is so appreciated. I just need this specific prayer on my behalf right now.
I also need some help with being at peace with what is happening. My biggest fear is that I will have to go back on chemo again. With a confirmation coming up, high school for Melanie, and just keeping up with the boys, I was really hoping for a long time without chemo. I know the devil is working hard to lead me to falter in my faith that God is taking care of me. He's nagging at me, trying to convince me that God really isn't putting my best interests in mind. I know that's the farthest thing from the truth. But I do need your help in fighting the devil's persistent nagging.
I did see an interesting Bible verse from Habakkuk the other day that did help. It is interesting in that it is an account with wrestling with God. I do feel like I've been doing that lately, wondering what His plan is again and begging for healing that just never seems to totally come. But at the very end of the book he writes this:
So even though I can't do this on my own, God will do it for me. So please join me in prayer this month for peace, for healing, for faith.