Many of you know that I have been searching for comfort and peace the past week. As the holidays grow closer, the reality that this might be my last Christmas here on earth makes my spirit sink. I long to be with my children every night, but they need to keep on living their normal lives which includes sports, jobs and friends. But what hurts the most is knowing that I will be leaving them behind without a mother and my husband without a partner. There is nothing I can do about that. When God calls me home, I will be going home. But knowing that doesn't give me comfort when I know the pain that will be left behind when I go home to Heaven.
This part of Psalm 31 really shows how I felt:
"Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow week with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.
My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak."I've cried out to God. I've screamed at Him. I've questioned His purpose. I've told Him how mad I am that I couldn't be one of the survivors and I couldn't be one of His miracles. I've wondered what in the world He was doing with me and what He is going to do with my family. I've been mad with God. I'm not proud of that, but it's the truth.
And you know what happened? He met me at that place. He reminded me that He knows what He is doing, and even if He chooses not to do what I want, He still has something better for me, and that is hope.
This small part of the journey started when I read this WELS Daily Devotion. It starts with this passage:
I started reading this looking for comfort, but when I got to this part of the devotion, I found so much more.
What does God's word say? "Your sin has been paid for," That's why God the Son came into this world. He became flesh and blood to pay the price that we cannot pay. His blood is holy, for Jesus never sinned. His blood is precious, for it is the blood of God. And that's the price he paid for you: His holy, precious blood.
What comfort! No matter what you face in this life, cling to the word of your God, cling to his tender words of comfort. He has paid the ultimate price for you and me. The glory our God has prepared for us far outweighs our present suffering. He is ht Shepherd who carries us in his arms to take us home. What comfort!Talk about a reality check. God has taken care of my worst problem, my sin. So now no matter what I face, what I struggle with, what sins I commit, I am still looked at as a sinless child of God by looking through the blood of the Lamb.
And then the hope came. This isn't the hope of something we wish will happen or we wish we will get. Oh no, this hope is something that comes with a 100% guarantee of happening. It says so here:
Yes, I have been suffering a long time. And when I look back at all those years, I can see how God worked some of those characteristics in me. They are not perfect, BUT HOPE IS!! We will never be put to shame by anyone who doesn't believe what we do. Why? Because the Holy Spirit is reminding us every day that if God is for us, who or what can be against us, that our lives are important to him, and that our salvation is one. That's the hope we have. That's the hope the has the 100% guarantee.
So I looked for comfort and I got hope. But then again, I think I got comfort as well.