Where To Put Your Trust When You Have Cancer (Or Any Struggle)

I remember when I found out I could get cancer that I was determined to do everything I could to prevent that from happening.  I went to a clinic, met the perfect doctor, had a surgery scheduled and believed this would do the trick.  I put my trust in what the doctors told me.  None of us realized there was already cancer in me.

Then the treatments started.  I trusted that my oncologist and nurses were going to give me the best advice to kick this cancer to the curb once and for all.  If I wouldn't have trusted what they were telling me, I would have been on the internet every second trying to find something better, something that would for sure be the silver bullet.  None of us knew this was going to be a much longer and harder battle.

Was I foolish for trusting what the doctors told me?  No.  I had complete confidence in their knowledge and I still do.  If it wasn't for my oncologist trying for the PARP inhibitor I wouldn't be doing as well today as I am.  But I was reminded once again this past week where I really need to put my trust.

Last week I had my normal, routine check-in with my oncology clinic.  I'm still feeling good and running around like crazy with my family, so I really didn't expect anything to be different than what has been happening since July.  When I got my results for my CA-125 on Friday, the disappointment and anxiety came back.  Was it because my numbers went up?  Nope.  It was because they stayed the same -- at 55.

What this means is that I have stable disease.  That's a good thing, really it is.  It means the cancer isn't growing.  It means I can stay on this medication.  It means I can keep living my life with my family.  It means that I am continuing to live with a chronic disease.  But I didn't focus on any of that.  I focused on the fact that for the first time since July my numbers didn't go down.

You see, even though I thought I had been placing my complete trust in God to take care of me, once again I was reminded that I was putting some of my trust in the medication.  Now I was wondering if it wasn't working, if I was going to have to go on chemo again and if I wasn't going to be healthy for my daughter's confirmation.  Talk about misplaced trust! 

Our Sunday service was one I really needed to hear since it was all about trust.  We started with this hymn:

I am trusting you, Lord Jesus,
Trusting only you;
Trusting you for full salvation,
Free and true.

I am trusting your for pardon;
At your feet I bow,
For your grace and tender mercy
Trusting now.

I am trusting you for cleansing
In the crimson flood;
Trusting you to make me holy
By your blood.

I am trusting you to guide me;
You alone shall lead,
Every day and hour supplying
All my need.

I am trusting you for power;
You can never fail.
Words which you yourself shall give me
Must prevail.

I am trusting you, Lord Jesus;
Never let me fall.
I am trusting you forever
And for all.

This was one of my favorite hymns as a child.  I sang it with all sincerity in church.  But then the sermon came entitled Jesus Invites Us to Trust Him.  And then the realization started hitting.  After thinking I was completely trusting God, I realized I wasn't.  Instead of being thankful that I still had stable disease, I started questioning God.  God, why aren't you continuing to let the cancer shrink?  God, why are you letting me have this disease for so long?  God, don't you realize that my family needs me?  God, God, God......

There was a point in the sermon where our Pastor reminded us that God is taking care of us.  After all our questions God can so easily ask, "Don't you trust me?"  And how can I not trust Him?  He has let me live over three years after my diagnosis.  He has given me an almost normal life for the last 6 months.  He guided us through the beginning of 2012 which was one of the worst times for my health.  He has healed both my boys with their broken bones and continues to heal them.  He is the one who has guided our lives and taken care of them.  He has used the doctors and the medicines to keep our family together.  How can I not trust him.

So where do you put your trust during a battle with cancer or in any struggle?  I believe you do need to trust your doctors or whomever is helping you with your struggle,  but these people can fail you.  God will never fail you.  Put your trust in Him.  He has the best plan laid out for you.

If you would like to see more reasons you can put your complete trust in Christ, please see my post titled Three Gifts Found In Christ.

January 19th Joy Dare, Three Gifts Found in Christ

 January 19 ~ Three Gifts Found in Christ
How in the world could you only find three gifts today?  I could write an entire book on the gifts found in Christ, and I'm sure some people have.  My first thought went to one of my favorite songs that has become an Easter favorite, In Christ Alone.  If you've never heard this song before, please click on the link to listen to and see an amazing video based on the song.

So to complete my Joy Dare today, I'm going to use the first verse of the song and link them to Bible passages that show just how much Christ has given us.

• In Christ alone my hope is found  ~ 1 Peter 1:3-4  ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴ and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you

• He is my light, ~ John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

• my strength ~ Philippians 4:13 ~ I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

• my song ~ Colossians 3:16 ~ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

• This Cornerstone, this solid ground ~ Psalm 95:1 Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
      let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.

• Firm through the fiercest drought and storm ~ Psalm 46:1-3        

God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging

• What heights of love, ~ John 3:16  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

•  what depths of peace ~ Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

• When fears are stilled, when strivings cease ~  Isaiah 41:10   So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand                                                   

• My Comforter, ~ John 14: 1-3 Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

•  my All in All ~ Ephesians 3: 20-21  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

• Here in the love of Christ I stand ~ Ephesians 3: 17b - 19 And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God

The Joy Dare ~ January 16 - 31

January 16 ~ 3 Witnessed Blessings

• Last night I was able to start going to my support group again at Gilda's Club.  What a wonderful night it was! We had three more women join us who needed support as much as we did.  What a blessing from God to be able to connect with people face to face who are dealing with the same disease  I am.
• Yesterday I also witnessed the blessing of my family once again as we sat around the dinner table.  I know I've been thankful for this before, but these times are so precious to me.  The laughter and conversation are things I will always treasure.
• This last one is years in the making.  Facebook has been a wonderful blessing in my life because of all the people I have been able to reconnect with and also stay in touch with them.  Some of my greatest blessings on there are the students I taught and how so many of them have the Lord in their life. 

January 17~ A Gift Bringing Laughter, Prayer, Quiet

• I just had a conversation with my oncology nurse.  Normally you wouldn't think that something like that would bring laughter, especially since it had nothing to do with my treatment.  But when you've had a relationship with someone for four years, even though it's on a clinical basis, they really do become your friend.  I laughed, really in awe, because I found out that I'm somewhat of a celebrity at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance.  My oncologist has been using my story to show the success of what has been working so well for me.  I was in a newsletter, which I knew about, but I also found out that she's been sharing my story at different conferences.  My nurse jokingly said that I hope no one stops you on the street because I might feel like Kim Kardashian or something. Thank you God for the amazing staff you have provided for me!
• Most mornings I get up at least an hour before my children do so I can spend some quiet time in devotion and Bible reading.  I treasure that time of quiet before the busy day starts.  It helps me keep my focus on God throughout the day.
• My prayer life has definitely been leading me to keep trusting God.  Each oncology visit always brings some anxiety.  Is the treatment still working?  What if I have to go back on chemo?  Am I having a side effect from the drug or am I just getting older?  Learning to trust God once again is something I need to pray for every day.

 (I have gotten behind not because I have forgotten to do this, but because I haven't had the time to sit and blog.  The 18th through the 21 were written in one day.)

January 18 ~  Three Gifts from God's Word
Proverbs 3:5-6 

 

Isaiah 53:4-5

Romans 5: 3-5

January 19 ~ Three Gifts that Might Never Have Been

• My daughter might never have been born.  You see, we lost our first child to a miscarriage at 12 weeks.  We were devastated.  But one month after we lost our first daughter, God blessed us by letting us conceive another.  Now we have one daughter at home in Heaven, and one daughter here with us. 
• When I look at my family, I realize they might never have been here.  I was not enthralled with my husband when I first met him.  I was dating someone else and he just kept hanging around.  We did have some of the same friends and we got together, but he was shorter than me and I just didn't want anything to do with him.  But God knew better.  There were some hard circumstances in my life and he was there when no one else could be.  4 months after we started dating we got engaged.  1 year and 8 days after we started dating we were married.  2 years to the day we started dating we had our first child.  Once again, God knew what He was doing.
• When I look back to last year at this time, things were going down hill fast as far as my health went.  By this time last year I had already been admitted to the hospital once, and had no idea I would need an ambulance ride for another one.  Now, because of a small miracle, God made sure all the right things were in place for me to get a PARP inhibitor to give me and my family a more normal life again.  To God be the Glory!

  January 20 ~ Three Gifts Only Seen Close Up

• Snowflakes amaze me because each one is different.  They also amaze me when I realize that they are created by a frozen microscopic droplet of water, and then because of weather conditions they make these amazing shapes as they fall through the atmosphere.  What beauty in such a small package.   

• This is a magnified sample of sand from the Gobi Desert.  When you realize that soft, warm substance you love to walk in on the beach is actually crushed rocks, it's amazing to think how God works.  And when you have a chance to look at this closely, you see how beautiful it really is.

• One of the most peaceful things I love to look at is a sleeping baby.  But I don't think you can truly realize how peaceful a sleeping baby can be until you look at one closely in your arms.  They are beyond content, trusting that they will wake and someone will be there to care for them.  The sleep is not restless or fitful, but truly renewing.  Sleep in Heavenly Peace!

January 21 ~ A Gift in Sky, in Water, in Memory

• Being from the Pacific Northwest, we get to see quite a few rainbows, especially in the spring.  We regularly get them above our home.  They are always a wonderful reminder of how our God is watching over us and protecting us, and also it reminds us that He will never break a promise He has made.
• My water gift is an odd one because it's our cat's paw.  We have a funny cat, Izzy.  He is truly a scaredy cat, jumping at the slightest noise.  One thing he does that always amuses our guests is to drink out of his water bowl with his paw.  He will only drink if he sticks his paw in the water and laps it off of his paw.  He will never put his face in the bowl.  Is he too scared to get his face wet?  Knowing this cat, he probably is.

• My Mom, or Grandma Judy, died from ovarian cancer 10 years ago.  These were the only grandchildren she got to know -- 4 out of the 18 that are here.  She gets to be with two of them in Heaven.  When I think back to all the love she showed her grandchildren, it makes me smile.  It also makes me smile when I remember how she kept bugging us to get married so she could have grandchildren.  And then she got four in three years.  She could never get enough of her grandchildren, and I will be forever grateful that my daughter had a chance to know her.  We can't wait to see you again!

January 22 ~ A Gift Wrinkled, Smoothed, Unfolded

 

•   When I think of something wrinkled, I think of my mom and grandmother's hands.  They were wrinkled but beautiful.  Their hands worked tirelessly in the kitchen, in mending and in cleaning.  But they were also great for hugs.  But I know the thing I loved most about those hands is that they turned the pages of their Bibles, and they folded them in prayer.  To their last hour they knew they were in God's hands.  Now their hands, whether they are wrinkled or smooth, are praising their Father in Heaven.

• I remember taking out my wedding dress on the day of my wedding and smoothing the front before I saw my husband that day.  That was such an exciting day, seeing each other in our wedding attire for the first time.  We had no idea that our lives were going to be so bumpy, so wrinkled with trials.  But just like my dress, God has smoothed out our paths when we stumble.  He is just bringing us closer to Him.

 

• Letters for the most part are a thing of the past.  We have gone to emails, instant messages, texts and video chat.  But there was always something about unfolding a letter or a note that brought excitement.  You never knew what was going to be said or what you were going to learn.  Most of the time the news was wonderful.  Last year during my hard months I received an actual letter, written over a week, from one of my daughter's grade school teachers.  I think I re-read that letter at least 10 times because it was such a foreign concept to receive one.  What a wonderful blessing from God!

January 19 ~ Three Gifts Found in Christ
How in the world could you only find three gifts today?  I could write an entire book on the gifts found in Christ, and I'm sure some people have.  My first thought went to one of my favorite songs that has become an Easter favorite, In Christ Alone.  If you've never heard this song before, please click on the link to listen to and see an amazing video based on the song.

So to complete my Joy Dare today, I'm going to use the first verse of the song and link them to Bible passages that show just how much Christ has given us.

• In Christ alone my hope is found  ~ 1 Peter 1:3-4  ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴ and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you

• He is my light, ~ John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

• my strength ~ Philippians 4:13 ~ I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

• my song ~ Colossians 3:16 ~ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

• This Cornerstone, this solid ground ~ Psalm 95:1 Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
      let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.

• Firm through the fiercest drought and storm ~ Psalm 46:1-3        

God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging

• What heights of love, ~ John 3:16  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

•  what depths of peace ~ Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

• When fears are stilled, when strivings cease ~  Isaiah 41:10   So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand                                                   

• My Comforter, ~ John 14: 1-3 Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

•  my All in All ~ Ephesians 3: 20-21  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

• Here in the love of Christ I stand ~ Ephesians 3: 17b - 19 And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Oh boy, am I behind again.  But I think I have a better excuse this time : the icky norovirus.   Finally feeling somewhat normal after 3 days.  I did have things written down through the 27th.  So here goes my thankfulness....

January 24 ~ Three things blue

• My daughter's eyes.  From the moment she was born she had her eyes wide open ( no that is not an exaggeration) and they were very blue.  She could not stop looking around.  Today I love looking in her eyes and seeing those beautiful blues filled with compassion for others and full of God's love.
• When my boys were young they used to love yogurt.  We would set them up in their highchairs and they would devour their yogurt.  Many people have pictures of that first birthday cake, well we have pictures of yogurt boys.  Blue yogurt was their favorite, and they have it all over their faces and in their hair to prove it.

• We had blue sky today, just a peek, after being in an inversion that left our area very cold and foggy.  It was so strange to have the mountains and the coast with warmer temperatures that we had.  But with that peek of blue sky today, it was a reminder of God's unending love. 

 January 25 ~ A Grace Borrowed, Found, Inherited

• We have been the fortunate recipients of musical instruments.  Between my three children we have piano, flute, trumpet and trombone playing in our house.  Some days it's crazy, but most days it's wonderful, especially as they are all starting to play for chapel.  We couldn't have afforded these instruments outright.  But we were able to borrow all of them.  Some have turned into permanent fixtures in our home, and we are grateful for all of them.
• I think some of my best graces that I have found have been in my friends.  Many have been found "by accident."  I think back to the time I met my closest friend in college.  I had locked myself out of my room and that was the first time we really met.  I'm so glad she looked over my not so wonderful language at the time and looked at what I was really like.  Not a day goes by that I don't wish we lived closer, and I also know she will be there whenever I need her.
• My favorite inherited gift has to be my love for music.  I know I've mentioned it before, but I can look back at all the times we sang as a family, practiced our many instruments(which we often hated) and the times we made beautiful music together and be thankful.  I'm so glad I get to pass that on to my children who each in their own way have a love for some type of music.  May they use that love to serve God in some way.

January 26 ~ A Gift Before Dawn, At Noon, After Dark

• I was actually up early this morning, which I wasn't happy about at the time.  But then I had the quiet time I needed to get ready for my day.  I had a chance to sit and study God's Word, have some prayer time and a little quiet time before the chaos of the day started.  We might not always agree with what God gives us, but we can always see that what He gives is what is best for us.
• At noon I was actually together with my family.  Considering we are in the midst of basketball season and we had to get to a game that evening, I treasured that time.  Yes it was a little stressful because we were working on some big school projects that were coming up, but we were together.
• I know I don't always show my husband how much I appreciate all he does.  But he was a wonderful support today.  Once we got home after a long day of projects and basketball games, he jumped right in to help get the kids focused for bed, and then he rubbed my aching legs.  He was also very patient with me because I was having a few anxious moments due to some medication I was on.  I love you, Paul!  I'm sorry I never show you enough.

January 27 ~ Three Gifts in the Kitchen

• About three years ago I got my first Kitchen Aid stand mixer.  We never had one growing up so I never understood it's usefulness. Since I have been feeling better we actually put it out on the counter so I could have it more easily accessible.  It was one of the best moves and purchases we made.  I love using it at least once a week to make things for my family.   

 

• I love my kitchen table.  We looked for one for three years before we were able to find one we liked.  It is an old country style table and chairs that is solid and won't fall apart.  It can expand when we have guests over.  This year we hosted Thanksgiving at our house.  It was one of the best dinners we have ever had because of the people that surrounded our table.  I can also think back to the many times we've played games with friends and family, had meals, or just sat around and talked.  I remember the times that friends came over and brought meals during my early years with the twins and then while I was on chemo.  If that table could talk, it would have so many ways to shout out the praises of what God is doing through His people.

 

• We have a full pantry.  Sometimes it's a bit overflowing because I can be a coupon nut and stockpile some things when I can, but it's always full with foods we can eat.  May we never take for granted the food God has given us, and may we never have to go without.

 

January 28 ~ Three Graces Found in Friends

I've learned over the last three years how important friends can be.  Yes they are the ones who make you laugh and listen to your complaints, but they are so much more.  Here are just a few things friends have done for me over the past three years.

• Become an amazing group of prayer warriors
• Brought meals
• Called
• Texted
• Sent cards
• Sent gifts
• Sent flowers
• Cleaned my house
• Taken me to chemo appointments
• Watched my children when I was in the hospital
• Taken my children to and from sporting events
• Fixed our window screens
• Weeded our yard
• Mowed our lawn
• Sent us on amazing trips 
• Gave my children extreme room makeovers

  I look at these things and it brings me to tears.  These people did this not for anything in return, but because of their love for their Savior.  

 

January 29 ~ A Song Heard, A Soft Word, Light Seen

• One of the songs that still reaches me today is called Finally Home by Mercy Me.  I heard this a few years after my mom went home to Heaven.  It reminded me once again of what I have to look forward to when I get Home.
• I was sicker than a dog today with the flu.  My daughter was home with me because she had it as well.  My poor boys had to stay away from me and constantly wash their hands in hopes that they wouldn't get it.  (So far, so good.)  But when one spoke softly that he just wanted to give me a hug, it broke my heart.  I promised him he could hug me all he wanted when I got better.
• The light at the end of the tunnel was seen for my daughter when she was able to eat dinner.  That showed me that my light would be coming soon since I was a day behind her in my sickness.  And it also reminded me that even with my cancer, I can get through a flu bug without having to go to the hospital.  God is so good!

January 30 ~ Three Old Things Seen New

• Every day the Scripture brings something new.  Every time you read it something will speak to you.  Some days things will jump out at you.  The one I remember most recently at really jumping out at me was this verse from John 21:25. " Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written"  I had never thought about that before.  We hear of so many miracles he did that I never thought about the ones He did that we didn't know about.  It's just another reason I can't wait to finally meet Him face to face.

• I have some old pictures that were in my grandparents house.  I remember them on the dining room wall.  They bring such good memories because we would sit around that table for meal but also for playing many games.  Now they are in my house, in my kitchen.  While the new place makes them look a little different, I hope the memories that my children have of those pictures will be just as lovely. 

 

• I also have an old cabbage cutting board that once belonged to my great grandmother.  It was in my parents home, and now it is in mine.  Once again it brings up memories of loving, fun times.  What was once used as a tool for dinner is now one that creates memories of times around the dinner table. 

January 31 ~ A Gift on Paper, in a Person, in a Picture

• My mom went home to Heaven over 10 years ago.  It has gotten harder to remember her voice, her laugh and her touch.  But one thing I will be forever grateful for is having a few things that she wrote.  One is a letter she wrote to my daughter when she was not even three.  My daughter still treasures that letter.  Another thing I have is the Bible passages she wrote down on note cards when  she was battling ovarian cancer.  There have been so many times where I have looked at them and gotten strength in their words.  She used those for comfort, and I am now able to use them as well.  One day they will get passed down to my daughter as another tangible way of how much God loves us.

 

• How can I just pick one person that has shown me so much love?  I have too many friends who have helped me in person, through prayer, or online that I can't pick just one.  Just know that you are always going to be lifted up in prayers of thankfulness for the things you have done.  Even if you think it was just small, it was big.
• When we found out the cancer came back after only three months of remission, people rallied around us with help and with gifts.  Some of those were pictures.  Once again when I was struggling last year more gifts came.  One that has become a focal point of our home is this picture based on Isaiah 49:15-16

 

         Knowing that God has us engraved on the palms of His hand reminds us every day that He is 

          really looking out for our best interests.  He will never, ever forget us or the promises He made

         to us.  That is the best comfort anyone can have in any circumstance.

 

The Joy Dare ~ January 1 - 15

January 1 ~ Three Things Heard

•   Laughter from my children enjoying each other.
• The first I love you from my husband for the year.

• The sound of the piano playing.  Even though my boys were playing their Christmas songs for the umpteenth time, it's always nice to hear the sound of the piano. 

January 2 ~ A Gift Outside, Inside, On a Plate

• Sunshine!  When you live in the Pacific Northwest during the rainy season, those days of sunshine are a wonderful blessing, even when it's cold.
• Friends playing.  The boys were able to have their neighbor friends over to play the Xbox.  I was not able to let that happen 6 short months ago because I was so sick.
• A turkey and avocado sandwich.  Boy do I love the taste of avocados!   

January 3 ~ Three graces (gifts) you overheard

• Laughter as we watched Mobbed together as a family.
• The excitement in my daughter's voice when she answered the phone and it was her grandma needing to talk to her about her curtain project.
• The joy my boys have when they are playing with each other, even when it gets a little crazy. 

January 4 ~ Something You're Reading, Making, Seeing      

• Right now I'm reading 1 John.  Today this verse reminded me of the greatest thing for which I'm most thankful, the gift of Jesus.  "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." 1 John 3:16 
• Yesterday I made 13 meals to have ready during our busy month of January.  What a blessing to have the energy once again to do things like this.  
• Today as we were putting away Christmas decorations, I got to see how my children are really growing up.  They finished cleaning up the last bit of things when I just needed to be done.

January 5 ~ Something Old, New, Blue

• To the left of our computer is a secretariat type cabinet that is over 100 years old.  It was my great-grandparents, and I believe they got it for their wedding.  For us it contains pictures, and old beverage-ware that holds many dear memories for me, as well as giving us a place to store everyday things we need.     

• I'm enjoying the new clothes I have needed to purchase because of my successful cancer treatment.  Not having fluid build up inside of me makes it much easier to shop for clothing.

• The blue is rather funny.  Yesterday two of my children and I were reminiscing about how one of my son's favorite color was blue because his name starts with the same letter.  That fact made him decide that everything that was going to be his favorite had to be blue.

January 6 ~One thing in your bag, your fridge, your heart

• In my bag is a small cosmetic case that my in-laws gave me when I was going through chemo.  Every time I see it it reminds me of how much they love, care and support me.
• Wow!  My fridge....When I really stop to think about it, no matter what food or lack of food is in there, I have multitudes of reasons to be thankful because God has blessed us with so much food that we never go hungry.
• In my heart I am thankful that I can call God my Father, my Dad.  I can go to him for any need and He will hear me because He cares for me so much.

January 7 ~ 3 Graces (gifts) from People You Know     

• A Vanilla Soy Latte and great conversation with a friend.
• A laugh watching my daughter and her friends try to take down the flags on a windy day.
• A friend asking how my son was doing after his latest surgery on his ankle. 

January 8 ~ Dusky Light, Surprising Reflection, Lovely Shadow  

• Light?  What's that in the Pacific Northwest this time of year. :-)  But when I think back to other times, I do like the dusky light that candles bring.
• My reflection came from my Bible reading today.  I got to read Isaiah 40, one of my favorite chapters in the Bible.  It wasn't a surprise to read verse 30, because I have read it and reflected on it so many times, but it was a surprise to get that in my daily email today.  

• Once again, with all the rain we have right now, you don't see too many shadows.  But once again I can reflect back to Christmas and remember the lovely shadows that were cast when the Christmas garland above my kitchen cabinets was lit.  It still gives me the warm fuzzies every time I think about it. 

January 9 ~ A Gift Held, Passed By, Sat With

• One of my greatest gifts is my children.  I am fortunate that even though my children are a little older, they still want to give me hugs when they wake up.  One of my sons likes to give me a hug while I hold him on my lap.  Lately our cat has been joining us.  It's something I think I will always treasure.
• This one is rather amusing because it deals with sun. (Sure wish I would have had this yesterday.)  We have about a 25 minute drive to and from school each day where we have to travel over two large hills.  On the way home the sun came out and shone on one of these hills.  The site, even in winter, was breathtaking.  On the bottom of the hill are deciduous trees, which of course right now are barren.  The top half of the hills has conifers, or evergreens.  The sun shining on this hill was breathtaking.  It was wonderful driving past and over this hill to see the wonder of God's creation.
• Soon one of my children will be entering high school.  I know life will never be the same once that happens because business will hit us at a whole new level.  That's why I treasure each of the sit-down dinners we have, even if it isn't with all our children.  Even if it is only 20 minutes, we have time to connect each day as a family.  I can't wait until tomorrow when we are all together again.    

January 10 ~ A Gift Sour, Sweet, Just Right

• The noise of the boys when they get home from school is one that drives me batty many days.  They are in a very silly phase and if they could be silly all day long, they would.  But knowing that they are happy makes the sourness of the silliness bearable.
• I tried a new recipe the other day that my kids fell in love with -- oatmeal cinnamon chip cookies.  They are really yummy!  The best part is that one of my sons who is insistent that   he doesn't like oatmeal cookies doesn't even realize the oatmeal is in there.

•  A perfect family dinner was had tonight.  I had turkey pumpkin chili and french bread cooking most of the day, so there was very little prep that needed to be done.  The entire family was home and we were actually able to have some good family conversation again.  Those times are precious and will be gone all too soon.

 January 11 ~ 3 Yellow Graces of Fresh Mercy
This morning when I saw what I was supposed to look for I thought this was going to be the hardest one yet.  Then things started coming to me quickly and I will actually have more than three today!  I love it when God does things like that. 

• This picture of me is an important one because of the yellow shirt.  This one was taken on my birthday this past June when things were not going well.  My children had a track meet that day and I had spent three days resting up just so I could go and enjoy it.  This picture of me that was taken with my children is my computer wallpaper.  I leave it there not only because I like the picture, but also because it reminds me of where I was and now how far God has brought me.  It reminds me that even though I am still not completely healthy, God had this great plan for me that only He could design and organize,  What a difference seven months make.
• I got my hair cut again today.  My hair dresser has lovely "yellow" hair.  What a blessing it is to be able to get my hair cut every six weeks again.  Even better was her comment about how healthy my hair now is.
• We have sunshine today!  Have you heard the song "The Bluest Skies Are In Seattle"  by Perry Como?  Well today I have to say once again that is true.  Not only do we have amazing blue skies today (after you click on the link make sure you scroll down to see the mountains, too.) but we also had some frost this morning.  The combination of all three made for some amazing pictures as I drove around this morning.  Plus I also got to enjoy coffee with some wonderful ladies this morning.  And we had to close the shades in the coffee shop because of the sun streaming in on us. 

•  This is the family planner that I have.  The days are getting fuller and fuller with all the activities we have coming up.  Some people might look at their full schedules and wonder how in the world they are going to make it through another busy week.  Sometimes I wonder that too, but what is great for me is that I can do all these things again without having to rest up, pick and choose, or even just miss them.  Once again all I can do is give glory to God for all of this.  7 short months ago we never would have thought this was possible.
• The last yellow thing that I am thankful for today is a crown.  This morning one of my devotions mentioned a crown.  It made me think of my Savior who is our King of Kings and Lord of Lords!  There is nothing I am more thankful for than this.

January 12 ~ Something Above, Below, Beside 

• I'm always thankful for the roof above my head.  We might not have a big house, but we have one that keeps us warm and dry.  It might not have the latest and greatest, but it is a house full of love.  
• I'm thankful for the beauty of the land I live in, especially the valleys.  It's amazing seeing the beauty of them when you are on top of a hill.  It also reminds me that whatever valley I go through in life, God will always be there to guide me through.
• Today I got to sit beside many friends as we watched basketball together.  Some of these friends go back years of being in grade school together, others are newer friends who will journey with me as we enter high school years with our children.  Knowing that these friends believe as I do in Jesus who is the only one who can save us makes those friendships even better.

January 13 ~ Three things about yourself for which you are grateful

• I am thankful for my love of music.  I love being able to play the piano for church as well as sing in church with my fellow believers.  
• I am thankful for my healthy hair.  After having chemo on and off for three years, it's nice to hear my hairdresser say I have healthy hair and that I have options on how I can style it.  I love the darker color of it right now, too.  God gives us little blessings even in the hard times.
• I am thankful for the faith God, through baptism, created in me.  Without that faith I never would have been able to get through the years of battling cancer.  I am thankful that God loves me so much he constantly gives me ways to strengthen my faith.  

January 14 ~ Three Startling Graces of God

• Grace from God is startling.  It's undeserved.  It's unearned.  It's love.  God did it all because he loves us so much.  He sent his son to die for us so we could go home to Heaven to be with him forever. 

• It's amazing to me how God has had our entire plan worked out from the beginning.  He knew the struggles we were going to have and always has a way for us to overcome them in some way, whether it be by relieving us from the struggle, or just by helping us through it every day.  And every plan that God has He has not only for us, but for the good of His Kingdom.  Only an all-knowing, perfect God could do something like that.
  
  
  
• Forgiveness is another thing that amazes me.  There I times where I struggle forgiving my children or my spouse or a friend because they do the same things over and over and over again.  But then I look at myself and realize I do the same thing to God every day.  Yet He forgives me every day, every hour, every minute I sin.  And He does it because of the great sacrifice He made by offering up His son to die for all of our sins.  It is the only perfect payment.  Even more amazing to me is this verse:
  
  
  
  He has forgiven us.  Our sins are forgotten because of the blood of Jesus.  To God be the Glory!
  
  
  

January 15 ~ A Gift Worn, Given Away, Shared

• My engagement ring will always be special because my husband bought it on his own.  We never went together looking for rings.  He had his own idea in mind and it fit me perfectly -- black hills gold with three small diamonds.  It's still as beautiful to me today as it was the day he gave it to me.
• One of my favorite gifts that I've given away were the photo collages the kids made for their grandparents last Christmas.  They each came up with their own reasons that they loved each of their grandparents.  There was no suggestions from me.  The looks on their faces when they read what the kids picked were priceless.
• Another gift I loved giving away was my twin's clothes.  I had kept quite a few of them for sentimental reasons.  Then there was another family in our church circle who had twins boys.  I just knew they were the right fit for these clothes.  When I was able to drop off three large boxes of clothes, it made my heart smile. 
• One gift that was shared this Christmas was at our close friend's house on Christmas Eve.  They decided to give their son, daughter, son-in-law and my boys' Nerf guns.  I've never seen five people try and get out those Nerf Guns so quickly so they could have a Nerf Gun fight.  
• Another shared gift came when I was having a harder time in my cancer journey.  We had always wanted to take our children to a musical, but the right one never came along, until Aladdin.  A co-worker of my husband's found a way for us to get amazing seats together at a discounted rate.  That was a special day for me since I was able to go out with my family and enjoy some time together.